Nobody’s Perfect

About two weeks ago I made an ‘epic fail’ and boy do I know about it. To cut a long story short I had a spray tan, then about four hours later I breastfed my son (dumb I know, but when you’re on auto-pilot and have a serious case of baby brain, what can I say, sh*t happens), the result a little man with a five o’clock shadow, and a very guilty mummy. After seeing the funny side, I decided to post a picture of my little man on my personal Facebook page. I received an amazing reaction from friends

Literally choked on my cup of tea! It’s a baby Homer Simpson!

This has made my day I do things like this all the time, what a little sweetheart. Love that you shared this, mummy’s everywhere will be smiling as they can fully relate! Bad mummy? never! A mum trying her best to multitask, always!

Great reaction right? So why not make some other parents feel a little bit better about themselves and make a few people laugh in the process? That said, I decided to post the photo onto The Unmumsy Mum Facebook page.

I first discovered The Unmumsy Mum after reading her An Open Letter To The Mum With The Red Coat blog, amazing, so honest and real. A mum that’s normal. Someone who finally admits it’s not all roses. Even though I wasn’t the mum in the red coat, I could also completely put myself in her shoes, as I’m sure most of us can. The Unmumsy Mum nails it (as she always does) when she says ‘We are all in this together‘. We certainly are, we’re all just trying our very hardest to mold the best human beings we can, although with that great responsibility also comes poobombs, puke, pee fountains, crying babies the moment you go into a deep sleep, and toddlers whining about not having their favorite fire engine toy at 6am (thanks son number 1), and that’s only a small percentage of things a parent has to experience. So she had me at hello, I needed to read more. If you haven’t already discovered her, then you know what to do.

I posted the picture on The Unmumsy Mum’s Facebook page along with the below quote;

From one mum to another, I’d like to let you know about my epic fail of fails. Yesterday I had a spray tan, a few hours later I breastfed my little boy. Cue 5 o’clock shadow and a very guilty mummy. Lesson to you all. Don’t do this

What happened next? Absolute craziness. By the end of the day the post had received over 100,000 likes. At that point I was sat literally shaking thinking ‘What have I done?’. Suffice to say I didn’t sleep very well that night. I never for a second expected it to get the reaction it did, and only ever thought it might have got at most 100 likes. If I’d have known that in hindsight would I have still posted it? Yes and no. Yes, on the basis I made a lot of people laugh and realise we all mistakes, not to mention all those mums out there who may have been thinking about getting a spray tan (I’ve saved them the trouble of making the same mistake). No, on the basis that I put my baby out there, his face is worldwide. My little man been judged by thousands of people. I also recieved a fair bit of abuse, a small percentage in comparison to the positive comments though. So what abuse did I receive? A number of people telling me I shouldn’t be allowed to be a parent, I was selfish for getting a spray tan and should spend my time with my boys, I’d intentionally poisoned my son with chemicals, I’m the worst mum in the world, I was a f*&%ing whore, and I’d given him cancer. Some nice folks out there. So let me set you straight folks. I have given life to two gorgeous boys, so I’m sorry I am already a parent, twice, my bad! And you know what I don’t think I’m all that bad. Yes I occasionally forget things, lose my sh*t, give my eldest (two and a half) one too many biscuits, and occasionally let the CBeebies presenters babysit, but I’d hardly say that constitutes as the worst mum in the world. lf the worst thing I can do is give my baby an unintentional 5 o’clock shadow, I don’t think I’ve done too bad.

For the ones who said I was selfish for having a spray tan, well god forbid a mum should take a bit of time out for herself. I forgot I should have them both attached by umbilical cord until they reach their 18th birthdays. I love spending time with my boys, but occasionally I need a break, not a crime. One of the recent ‘breaks’ I took was when I jet washed the patio whilst my husband entertained the kids in the garden. Ah pure bliss. Let’s face it when the kids aren’t attached, it’s an opportunity to deal with the pile of dust building on the TV, clean the layers of porridge off the baby’s high chair, and get any general jobs done whilst you have two arms free. So yes, I’m sorry I took twenty minutes out to get a spray tan so I wouldn’t look like a washed out banana in the bright yellow dress I’d bought for a wedding.

With regard to the trolls/keyboard warriors. All I can say to you is ‘get a life!’, if the only thing you get kicks from is writing abusive messages to people you know nothing about, then wow I really think you need to take a long hard look in the mirror. I’m really sorry I didn’t react to your messages because you are not worth my time, thought or effort. If this experience has made me realise one thing, it’s that I’m not as soft as I thought I was. Water off a ducks back.

On a more positive note I want to say thank you to all the lovely people out there who sent me messages, made comments, and also shared their ‘epic fail’ stories, and experiences. Other people not afraid to admit we are not perfect. I am so glad I made you laugh, and brightened your day. That was all I ever set out to do, just on a much smaller scale. Never did I think I’d see a day where my face appeared in the Daily Mail, NBC news, or on the brillant lad bible. It was certainly an experience, but now it’s today’s fish and chip shop wrapping and I’m good with that. But I will promise you this, the paper clippings will be coming out for his 21st birthday.

Gem x

Nobody is superior, nobody is inferior, but nobody is equal either. People are simply unique, incomparable, you are you, I am I – Osho