- Men love boobs that no longer defy gravity and give sad fried eggs a run for their money.
- The bath is the holy grail – a place where no one can interrupt, nag, whinge at or bother you. A no rubber duck zone, only candles, bubbles (of the bath and prosecco type) and chilled anthems allowed.
- Un-shaved legs are super sexy. Men love that extra layer of cosiness.
- Black leggings are the height of fashion, especially if splattered with sick, bogeys, drool, and any general food remnants.
- Saying “No” or “Aah aah aah” will instantly stop any babies/children in their tracks – immediate obedience and mischief is deterred.
- Cbeebies is presented by the cast of Magic Mike.
- NCT classes and the like offer wine and cake instead of tea and coffee.
- All children’s bedroom doors have invisible force fields to prevent any pre 7am visits and parent bed invasions.
- Every kitchen has an invisible layer of regenerative cling film on the kitchen floor, so after feeding time you simply whip it away and boom, the mountain of crumbs is gone. No crawling on your hands and knees or dust pans and brushes required.
- The TV remote also has a child mode with a volume button (no more wheels on the bus at 6am on a Sunday morning after your first night out with the girls); a pause button (for when you need to get a few jobs done, have a wee, or sit down and enjoy a cuppa without it going cold); a rewind button (to enjoy and re-live those funny and special moments); a fast forward button (to zoom past those whingy, tantruming, and generally difficult moments); a play button (making the children in your life happily sit and play without a single utterance of “That’s mine“, “I was playing with that!“, “Mummy he’s/she’s playing with my toy“); an info button (a synopsis explaining the baby/child’s current mood, thoughts, and feelings); a help button (used to provide useful information on how to resolve any meltdowns and general issues with minimal fuss); and a record button (to make a permanent record of all the magical times we’ve shared with our little people, so we can reminisce in years to come).
We can all keep dreaming can’t we? It’s nice to dream.
Gem x
What a fun read, and so true! Perfect for a Saturday morning pick up!
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Thank you Neeta I’m so pleased you liked it and I gave you a morning pick up. Gem x
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Brilliant post! Love it!! #kcacols
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I’m glad you like it Kayla 😊
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Ha I’m laughing so much! Love the force field idea – but make it 8am 😉 #KCACOLS
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Bugger it, let’s just make it 9am
😂 Glad I could make you laugh xx
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Very creative! My favourite is the doorway forcefield, but I also wouldn’t mind if I could just say ‘no’ once and have immediate obedience. More likely to win the lotto in this case, I’m afraid! #kcacols
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Maybe I should go into business with Alan Sugar ☺️ x
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Amazing this made me laugh and nod along, any chance someone can invent any/all of this and maybe a self cleaning house while we’re t it too #KCACOLS
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A self cleaning house. Where do I sign 😆 I’m glad I made you laugh Tracey xx
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Oh what a life it would be! Great post 🙂 #KCACOLS
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Wouldn’t it just. Glad you like it x
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Brilliant! Can I add one?
That all babies consistently sleep through the night from 3 months onwards. 16 months and still up 2-4 times… Every night! Zzzzzzzzz!
#KCACOLS
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Oh gosh. I truly hope for your sake your 16 month old sleeps through soon. Glad you like the post. Gem x
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HAHAH Love this! And those pics are hilarious!! I found myself nodding along, wish it wasn’t true!! #KCACOLS
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I’m glad you like it and my pics ☺️ x
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Lol fab post and those drawings are just brilliant! We absolutely need that force field for the bedroom door. As well as a magical button to make them sleep all night lol. Xx #KCACOLS
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Ooh that’s a good invention too. I’m so pleased you liked the post and my questionable pictures 😊 Gem x
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I love it! Not only are you the hostess with the mostess, you also provide the best reading material and drawings ever! I’d like one of each of the above please if you’re taking orders… :0) xx
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Thank you lovely. You are also the hostess with the mostess. I’d also like to add to the list ‘hoodwink spotting device’ 😊 And I’ll sort your order out swiftly. Xx
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Ooh yes please. Definitely needing one of those if you can arrange it please. Drat those pesky tricksters of mine! 😉 xx
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I think this has to be one of my favourite posts that I have read to date. I want so many of these things to be true!! Especially Magic Mike presenting CBeebies haha!! Love it!! #BloggerClubUk
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I’m so pleased you like it 😀 thank you. Yes Channing Tatum presenting *drools*. I don’t think I’d ever go outside again, it would be on 24/7 (worst mum in the world 😂) Gem x
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Hahaha, brilliant and I think your illustrations are fantastic too. And Channing would be very easy on the eye. If he could be in every programme too like Mr Tumbles etc then I would be one very happy Mummy 🙂 #bloggersclubuk
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Best TV ever ☺️ thank you. I’m glad you like it. Gem x
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Where can I buy one of those remotes from?! #BloggerClubUK
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In production as we speak. I bloody wish 😂 x
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Reblogged this on itsgoodtobecrazysometimes and commented:
Number 6, they are getting there but definiftly number 6
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What a fun post to read Gemma!! I hope we can have all of these things, that would be fab!! lol Can I please get one of those remote controls? I really need one ASAP!! lol Love your drawings, really clever!! Thanks so much for sharing this awesome post at #KCACOLS. I’m so happy to have you here for the first time. I hope that you like and it would be lovely if I can see you again on Sunday! 🙂 x
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Thanks for having me 🙂 I’m so pleased you like the post and my pics. One remote in the post for you 😉 xx
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Brilliant! Great post. I wish all those were true! Reading this made my day.
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I’m so pleased you liked it. Glad it made your day. Thank you xx
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Oh my goodness, I think I have fallen in love with your blog! Loved it…loved the illustrations! I was giggling all the way! I could relate to everything you said – now the cling wrap is a brilliant brilliant idea!
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I’m so pleased you like it and my rather dodgy illustrations ☺️ oh and my drunk banter. So pleased I could make you giggle. That’s what I’m all about. Gem x
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This made me laugh out loud I can relate to all of these although I think the tv remote is my favourtie!! Great drawings too. Thank you so much for joining us at #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again next week xx
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I’m so pleased you liked it 😊 I really think I need to get these remotes into production. Thanks so much for having me. Gem x
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haha so true and funny. My youngest is 3 mths old and I shaved my legs for the first time a couple of weeks ago and blocked the bath plug hole up! #fabfridaypost
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I love this. I’ve been there. Nice to know I’m not the only bear. 🐻☺️ Gem x
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Haha this was a funny read – love the one about the leggings! #FabFridayPost
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I’m glad you liked it. What would we do without black leggings ☺️ Gem x
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So funny and so true! The TV remote one was my favourite. 🙂
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Glad you liked it 🙂 x
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Mmmm wine and cake…. Just popping back for another read and giggle and to say thank you for linking up with us at #FartGlitter! Love your work!! xx
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Ditto 🙂 thank you lovely. It was a pleasure to link up x
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Ooh and erm sorry about the gigantasaurus badge. We’re searching for Gru’s shrink gun to get it sorted! 🙂 #despicableme xx
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I like it. Makes it stand out more x
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loads of hilarious truths there! lolz #fartglitter
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If only…😀Great post! #pooprainbows
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Sad fried eggs!!! Can’t get over that comparison:) super illustrations too!
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They really are 🍳🍳😩 Thank you for the appreciation x
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