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Beauty in to Beast

Like many little girls, Belle was always the Disney princess I aspired to be. Beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, and kind. Let’s not forget that amazing dress and the fact she got her Prince Charming in the end (Well after a miraculous shave and a crash diet).

So did I turn out to be the beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful and kind Belle? In a word… no, although I’d like to think I’ve mastered the thoughtful and kind element. The other two aspects are very much debatable.

I didn’t get the big swishy dress, but one thing I did manage to do was bag my very own Beast Prince Charming, and I’m happy to report he has much less fur and less bitey teeth. He’s pretty crap at timekeeping and I’m relatively sure he has a mild to medium form of narcolepsy, but all of that aside he’s definitely a keeper.

Life is good, but bloody hell it’s hard and certainly not the fairytale I dreamt of as a young girl. That said I can’t help but wonder what Belle would have been like after she had been married to the Beast for five years with two little mini Beasts in tow.

img_0538
Disposing of poopy nappies was not the fairytale Disney princess life Belle expected
So in true Disney style below is my interpretation (with a bit of a Yorkshire twang) of Belle’s song with a more realistic angle. Feel free to sing along.

Belle:

Little house, in a quiet village

Every day like the one before

Little house full of whingey people

Waking up to say…

Little Beasts:

Mummy

Daddy

Mummy

Daddy

Mummy

Belle:

There goes the toddler waking up, like always

The same old whines and moans to yell

Every morning just the same

At 6am mini beasts came

To see a poor tired parents frown

Beast:

Good morning Belle

Belle:

Good morning Daddy, er I mean Beast

Beast:

Where are you off to?

Belle:

Aldi, I need to pick up some strong coffee, nappies, wipes, milk and bread.

Beast:

That’s nice. Can you get me some sandwich meats for lunch? LITTLE BEAST!! Stop poking me in the head

Townsfolk:

Look, there she goes

The lass is strange, no question

Dazed and distracted, can’t you tell?

Man:

Never part of any crowd

Woman:

Cause her head’s up on some cloud

No denying she’s a mummy now, that Belle

Man 1:

Ey up!

Woman 1:

Good day!

Man 1:

How is your family?

Woman 2:

Ey up!

Man 2:

Good day

Woman 2:

How is your wife?

Woman 3:

I need….a Greggs

Man 3:

That’s too expensive! *What Greggs?!

Belle:

There must be more than this abysmal* life!

*Ok so abysmal is a tad extreme but I was struggling to find something to rhyme

Man at the Library:

Ah, Belle

Belle:

Good morning. I’ve come to return the kids book I borrowed

Man at the Library:

Finished already?

Belle:

Yes I’ve read it to them at least a hundred times and they still aren’t bored yet. Please tell me you’ve got something else?

Man at the Library:

Not since yesterday

Belle:

That’s alright. Ok then we’ll borrow this one (After an argument with toddler over said book as it’s not the right colour or size)

Man at the Library:

That one? But you’ve read it twice!

Belle:

What Charlie Cooks Favourite Book? Yes it’s my favourite, I like doing all the voices; my pirate and knight are especially impressive.

Man at the Library:

Well if you like it all that much, it’s yours

Belle:

Really? What actually free? What’s the catch? I mean do you need my email address or something so you can constantly spam me?

Man at the Library:

No catch, I insist!

Belle:

Nice one, ta very muchly!

Townsfolk:

Look, there she goes, that lass is super human

I wonder if she’s feeling well

Men:

She seems a little snappy

Women:

Because her nose is in a nappy

Townsfolk:

She needs to be an octopus that Belle

Belle:

Ewwww…isn’t this disgusting?

It’s my least best part of being mummy

Here’s where I see the bogies

Crusting on my newly washed leggings

On both my knees!

Woman:

Now it’s a wonder why her name means “beauty”

Her looks are fuelled on Zinfandel

Shopkeeper:

But behind that zombie plod

I’m afraid she feels a fraud

Very distant from the rest of us

Group of mums:

She’s struggling like the rest of us

Yes, normal like the rest of us is Belle

The next part is traditionally sung by Gaston and Lefou, but for the purposes of this it shall be sang by the beast and Trevor (yes I totally made that up) his best friend. 

Trevor:

Wow you look knackered Beast. Are you tired?

Beast:

I know, yes I’m exhausted. I’m always working, the kids are non-stop and Belle does not stop nagging at me

Trevor:

Oh dear, it doesn’t sound like the fairytale it used to be

Beast:

I know I still really love her but she just seems to have lost her mojo

Trevor:

Does she not still have that flouncy gold dress?

Beast:

No she mostly lives in snot and food stained clothes and never wears matching bra and knickers.

Trevor:

But she was…

Beast:

The most beautiful girl in town? She was but now she has more hair on her legs than I ever did

Trevor:

That bad huh?

Beast:

Yes well since she had the kids I’ve been put to the bottom of the pile

Trevor:

Go on then tell me about it

Beast:

Right from the moment when the kids were born

The trouser kisses were just shelved

Although I must agree

She makes a nice hot tea

So I need to re-woo and de-hairy Belle

Group of mums:

Look Beast it’s hard to be a mummy

Hey Beast it’s hard to be a wife

Give her a chance, she feels like screaming

It’s not the perfect mummy kind of life!

Man 1:

Ey up

Beast:

My bad!

Man 2:

Good day

Man 3:

By heck!

Matron:

She’s shoving cake in

Woman 1:

You need some wipes!

Man 4:

Some nappies…

Woman 2:

…Two packs!

Man 4:

…Four pound..

Woman 1:

It’s real life

Beast:

There’s too much poo!!

Woman 2:

My head…

Man 5:

Those kids…..

Woman 2:

They’re cute

Man 5:

…They smell of hamsters

Belle:

There must be more than this abysmal* life!

*Once again, a bit harsh, and purely for rhyming slackness

Beast:

I’m so proud to call lovely Belle my wife! (Even if she does look a bit of a bugger and nags a lot)

Belle:

Life as a mum can be a little stressful

Often a challenge not to yell

I used to be quite slim

Pass the tonic and the gin

It’s super being a mummy

Bar the wobbly wibbly tummy

Yes I do love being a mummy…..it’s just swell! (Well most of the time)

And they all lived happishley ever after.

The End
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101 thoughts on “Beauty in to Beast”

  1. One of my favourite Disney songs ever and the Mummy version is even better. This is the sequel they need to make. 😂 Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. In the sequel I’d have Gaston as their butler (he’d have to clean their car in true Biff out of Back to the Future style). You’re welcome, and so pleased you liked it. Gem x

      Like

  2. Yey! You linked it up! I love this (as you know!) You are so incredibly talented and I am still amazed at your drawing. I’ve had this song in my head all afternoon now 😉 Thank you for linking up with #fartglitter xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh this is just brilliant!! I sung it all in my head. Such a fabulous post. I think it’s just like the reason that my favourite romance novels as a teen ended the minute they had the first kiss. Everything after that is downhill*! 😉 *Equally harsh but I was going for dramatic effect! Thanks for linking up and giving me a good giggle! #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like to think she’s still the Disney princess just less unrealistic expectations. So pleased you liked it and I’ve managed to embed the song in your head, hopefully not for too long 🙂 Gem x

      Like

    1. I’m so pleased you liked it. Im not sure I’ve ever been called clever and I’m not sure how many people would agree but I am so taking that compliment for once, haha! Thank you. So pleased you like it. Makes it all worth it. Gem x

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I did. Drawings one of my favourite things, I just wish I had more opportunity for it, but now I have my blog I get a little bit more chance here and there. I’m so pleased you like it and glad I can make your Disney princess more human. Gem X

      Like

    1. I’m so pleased you liked it Sarah. You totally need to watch it again, fab film, took me right to childhood, wasn’t long before I had to go stop the baby from climbing on something and snap back to adult life ☺️ Gem x

      Like

  4. This is pure genius as is the drawing..I always hated all the blonde characters as they were dull so I never had one that matched. So I decided I would be Mrs Potts. As I was reading this I was hearing the tune…and admitte ddoing a little flouncy hand wave…they smell of hamsters…..lol….#KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so pleased you like it. I love Mrs Potts, and Chip, I always kind of hoped my children would be like him. They’re not, and it’s a bloody good thing two because they’d not just he bloody chipped 😂 And yes my boys do smell like hamsters, they’re clean but for some reason they’re a bit hamstery ☺️ Gem x

      Like

  5. Oh thi was so entertaining – laughed every time at abysmal and your explanation for using it (are you sure you’re not just making excuses?? – I jest!). Loved the library scene too and the nose in a nappy – hilarious! Thank you for making me giggle #stayclassy

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yay, this is amazing! Love, LOVE the drawing too – you are a talented lady indeed! Why have I not read your blog before? 🙂 #coolmumclub

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Brilliant! Much more accurate and I love the picture of Belle after 5 years as a wife and mother lol 🙂
    Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK 🙂
    Debbie

    Liked by 1 person

  8. GENIUS. hahaha I was singing the song along in my head and picturing each scene. I memorised all the words to this when I was younger and it kind of all just snapped back into my head as I was reading it hahah! I love this part, “Now it’s a wonder why her name means “beauty.” Her looks are fuelled on Zinfandel” and “she doesn’t still wear that flouncey yellow dress?” hahah Seriously so funny and clever. Thanks for sharing with #StayClassy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so pleased you like it. I’ll see what I can do Lucy, I’ve got a few ideas, although blogs take me so bloody long. I’m a blog sloth 😂 Thanks for the lovely comment. Gem x

      Like

  9. Genius!! You are very good at this!! Definitely know how to work those words!! I said it before but I will say it again your drawings are always fantastic. I love this one of Belle!! Thanks so much for sharing this fun and clever post at #KCACOLS. It would be lovely to see you again, 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This is Amazing! I like your style! Especially… “I’m so proud to call lovely Belle my wife! (Even if she does look a bit of a bugger and nags a lot)” That is hilarious! Bella drawing is amazing too! Keep up the good work. 🙂

    Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so pleased you liked it and glad I could make you chuckle. I don’t think any man gets near enough the amount of ‘trouser kisses’ they’d like 😆 So pleased I cheered you up. Gem x

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  11. Haha love this! Yup, we can blame all those Disney movies for convincing us that life would be a fairytale when it is quite the opposite, but still of course, with lots of lovely moments too. Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Hehe we just followed each other on Twitter and honestly I was going to say that your profile pic looked like belle but thought I’d leave it as not everyone is as big a Disney fan as me… But then I find this on your blog! Haha.

    “Well it’s no wonder that her name means beauty, her looks are powered by Zinfandel” – brilliant!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Ah this is just brilliant! You are very clever and sum it up absolutely on point…I too thought my life would be a Disney fairytale and it has yet to live up to those high expectations (there’s still time haha). I love the part about the baby kicking your husband in the head, every morning for us too 😉 Thanks for linking up with #stayclassymama

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I don’t know the song but agree with the sentiment. ‘The most beautiful girl in town? She was but now she has more hair on her legs than I ever did’ haha well i did to start with, so nothings changed there then 🙂 Jo

    Like

  15. Oh this is brilliant…I had read it previously and I am so glad to come back and read it again and smile:)

    mainy – myrealfairy

    #fortheloveofblog

    Liked by 1 person

  16. This is a brilliant, such a fab read. I love how it is so true of life with children, we often have this fairy tale view of things that life is rosy, but in reality it is so hard – having the look at the children, kids, house, and husband. This has made me realise that I really need to give me husband some more attention, he has definitely been put to the bottom of the pile. Thanks so much for sharing another fab post with us this week at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

    Liked by 1 person

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