As a member of the SmileSquad I was tagged by the amazing folk at You Have to Laugh into their new shiny #youhavetolaughtag. It’s all about being able to smile and have a laugh about the many trials and tribulations of parenting.
Here are my responses;
1) Fill in the gap: Before I had children I never …..
…imagined I would get asked so many questions or deal with as much poo before 7am.
2) What is the most annoying toy that your child owns or has owned and why?
Generally anything electronic bearing the words VTech. However, there is a particularly annoying cat shaped keyboard my son owns which makes me want to frantically rip my ears off.
3) Would you rather be covered in poo or covered in puke?
My logic tells me that if I were to be covered in poo then it would probably result in me also being covered in my own sick, whereas if I was covered in sick then I’d only be topping that up with further sick rather than a mix of both. It’s a lose lose situation quite frankly.
4) Is Peppa Pig more annoying than Postman Pat is bad at his job? Discuss.
I have a bit of a confession, I really like Peppa Pig, for one she keeps my son incredibly entertained and most importantly occupied. I also quite like the fact my son has a giant fairy Peppa Pig soft toy which drives his dad nuts “It’s pink and it’s got a bloody wand!” Shove your Transformers up your jaxy daddy this boy is in touch with his feminine side. Postman Pat on the other hand does irritate me, he’s fairly shoddy at his job and spends more time getting stuck in trees than actually delivering post.
5) What time constitutes a lie-in in your house now and how does this compare to your pre-child days?
7:00 – 7:30am is generally when the small people make their presence known. Usually by bouncing on us in bed or announcing loudly “It’s morning time” or “I need a wee”. If it’s a weekend we have been known to utilise the power that is Peppa Pig on the iPad for an extra half an hour or so.
6) What is your favourite swear word or swear word combo and when was the last time you used it?
I’m a bit like the Will Smith (without the rapping, acting or being a bloke) of blogging, I go easy on the swears, but if the occasion calls for it and it enhances the context then I may have a moment of potty mouth. Cockwomble. There we go.
7) Tell us your worst ever nappy or potty training experience.
Every nappy or potty training experience is the worst but the moment that will always be engraved on my mind is when both my sons (at the time 2 and new-born) both had well, shall we say particularly loose bottoms. I’ve never seen or had to ‘deal’ with quite as much brown stuff in my life. To make matters worse I decided to take them both out in the double buggy for some fresh air. That would have been completely fine had I not forgotten the wipes and only realised this when I was too far from home…. ARGHHH! Cue one exploding toddler stood in the middle of a park with no toilets in sight. I had to use another nappy to clear up the mess whilst his brother screamed on the account of a separate explosion. It was stressful to say the least and there was a lot of washing put in the machine and wine consumed that night.
8) There is no electricity and won’t be for the next week. NONE. After eating the contents of the freezer (assuming you have a gas cooker) what the hell do you do with yourself?
If the electricity issue was only at my house then I would go to the gym / local pool a lot, not just for fitness but to utilise their warm showers. If the electricity issue was worldwide, I’d track down Bear Grylls and basically do what he tells me to.
9) If you didn’t need the money and didn’t have a little one what would you spend your days doing?
I would travel the world, drive a Mustang, eat/drink too much, dance a lot and relax. As much as I moan about the whinging constant questioning and lack of time for myself, I wouldn’t swap my life. I intend to do it all when I retire and the kids have flown the nest *sob* anyway.
10) If squirrels ruled the world, what do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages?
That’s just nuts!
- President Squirrel would have more brains and personality than the current president
- There’d be a lot of hidden things to find which would be quite fun, it’d be like an ongoing episode of Funhouse
- You could bribe them with nuts
- Who wouldn’t want to see a squirrel in a suit?
- You’d never be able to find your keys or most things for that matter
- Dentist bills would increase, have you seen their teeth?
- They’d ban words such as squirrelling as they would be derogatory terms
- Scrat would have a lot more competition for his nuts
11) If you could have anyone round for dinner, alive or dead, which 3 people would you choose? (NB – If you pick a dead person they would be alive during dinner – you wouldn’t just be dining with a corpse. That would be creepy)
Tom Hanks, Will Ferrell, and Will Smith. Amazing actors and all round lovely chaps. It would be a night of laughter, plenty of dancing to ‘Jump on It’, and lots of interesting tales to be told.
12) What is your favourite funny blog post ever (your own, or someone else’s)?
My favourite blog post ever has to be My Womb is a Squash and a Squeeze by Rhyming with Wine, it’s a parody of the well-known story A Squash and a Squeeze. What can I say about the amazing Dawn? She and her blog are absolutely bloody wonderful. She is the Julia Donaldson of the blogging world. Her posts are so cleverly put together and very relatable. Dawn is a real talent and most definitely someone to look out for. Clever, witty and hilarious, if you haven’t read her posts already then get over to her site (www.rhymingwithwine.com) right now and you’ll know what I mean. Did I mention we wrote a children’s book? Keep your eyes open for that one.
Lastly and purely to plug my own Blog I would say my best (and most recent) post is SuperKids which I also drew the illustrations for. I hope you like it.
So, there you have it, I hope you laughed.
Time for you to carry the baton;
- Copy and paste the twelve questions below into your own blog, or if you don’t have a blog, just do it on Facebook. Or the back of your bus ticket.
- Answer them.
- At the end of your post, tag at least 3 bloggers/friends who you’d like to fill out the #YouHaveToLaugh tag and let them know!
- Add two of your very own questions and remove two that you don’t like as much from the original list – it’s all about evolution.
- Use the badge code at the bottom of this post in your own post so that people can click to see this page and these rules!
- Let us know when your post is up by tagging us on Twitter with #youhavetolaughtag at @youhave2laugh and we will retweet it. We’ll also link to it below in this very post so your answers could be seen by everyone else in the world who completes the tag! We could be talking literally tens of people!
- 1) Fill in the gap: Before I had children I never …..
- 2) What is the most annoying toy that your child owns or has owned and why?
- 3) Would you rather be covered in poo or covered in puke?
- 4) Is Peppa Pig more annoying than Postman Pat is bad at his job? Discuss.
- 5) What’s the funniest question your child has asked you?
- 6) What is your favourite swear word or swear word combo and when was the last time you used it?
- 7) Tell us your worst ever nappy or potty training experience.
- 8) What is the funniest thing that has happened to you as a parent?
- 9) If you didn’t need the money and didn’t have a little one what would you spend your days doing?
- 10) If squirrels ruled the world, what do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages?
- 11) If you could have anyone round for dinner, alive or dead, which 3 people would you choose? (NB – If you pick a dead person they would be alive during dinner – you wouldn’t just be dining with a corpse. That would be creepy)
- 12) What is your favourite funny blog post ever (your own, or someone else’s)?