Celebs, Christmas, Comedy, Film, Funny, Humour, Uncategorized

10 Reasons to be More Like Buddy the Elf

Buddy the Elf, what a guy! If the world had more Buddy’s in it, it would be a much better and entertaining place. So how can we be more like him?

1. He loves Christmas and all its magic

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Buddy (being an elf and all) is all about Christmas, there’s no time more magical. A festive season when you can eat chocolate for breakfast every morning (or in Buddy’s case syrup laden spaghetti with a sprinkling of Smarties).

2. He has a great vocabulary


You can always rely on Buddy to come out with a brilliant word or phrase. Cotton headed ninny muggings is pretty hard to beat.

3. He gives a lot of compliments 

“I think you’re really beautiful and I feel really warm when I’m around you and my tongue swells up”

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Everyone loves a compliment, and Buddy is never  short of one. It’s such a simple thing to do, and just like Debs it can make someone’s day. Go on give someone one today (a compliment you filthy minded people).

4. He’s a bit naive and innocent 

“You did it! Congratulations! ‘World’s Best Cup of Coffee.’ Great job, everybody. It’s great to meet you”

Whilst being completely naive and innocent isn’t always the best way to be, Buddy sees most things in a very positive and literal way. Something we could all do from time to time (unless your names Joey Essex then you already do).

5. He loves to sing (even if he is a bit off-key at times)

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One lesson Buddy has taught us is that the best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear. Go on get your sing on even if it takes a few Proseccos and sherries to get you going.

6. He’s not afraid of hard work

He might have only managed to build 85 Etch-A-Sketchers, but it’s 85 more than you or I could build. He’s a dab hand at making toys, even if he does wreck his fathers wooden desk in the process.

7. He’s easily impressed

“Have you seen these toilets? They’re GINORMOUS!”

Whilst the man in the Empire State buildings lift probably wasn’t impressed with having to stop at 102 floors, Buddy saw the beauty in the pretty lights. Every time you use a lift now, you’ll probably have the urge to do the same.

“It looks like a Christmas tree”

He also got excited about the fact he’d seen a dog.

“So, good news – I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog?”

Sometimes we’re so busy looking at the bigger picture we miss the small things that really matter. We should probably be impressed with the simpler things just like Buddy.

8. He doesn’t take life too seriously

Whether it’s spinning around in a rotating door until you vom, or busting out your best dancing moves to Jump Around in a dingy post room, letting your hair down at times is just the right medicine. *Please Note* Drinking ‘syrup’ and dancing on tables during work hours may cause you to lose your job.

9. He has impeccable telephone answering skills

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He answers the phone in a very clear and positive tone, taking interest in the caller, and all done with a smile.  Something a lot of customer services advisors could do with putting into practice.

10. He just loves to smile

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There’s nothing more infectious and welcoming than a smile, and Buddy has got it down to a tea. Although remember there’s a fine line between looking generally friendly or a complete lunatic.

Buddy the Elf is the balls and no Christmas is complete without him.

Merry Christmas, and don’t forget…

never-1
Gem x

Celebs, Comedy, Disney, Fairytale, Film, Food, Funny, Humour, Smiling, The Little Mermaid, Uncategorized, Yorkshire

An Ode to Yorkshire – Nowt Like a Tea (Little Mermaid Style)

Yorkshire, a bloody wonderful place where people eat tea instead of dinner; say “Morning” “How do!”, and “Alright” to complete strangers; often use words like ‘fettle’, ‘mardy bum’ and ‘bugger lugs’; regularly say a rude four letter word beginning with c and ending with t when they’re actually saying ‘couldn’t (you know the one); a region so wonderful even France wanted a piece, which then laid the way to Tour de Yorkshire; a place called home to many a wonderful folk such as Dame Judi Dench, Sir Patrick Stewart, Jessica Ennis, Nicola Adams, Leigh Francis (proper bo I tell thee!), Brian Blessed, Dickie Bird, Mel B, David Hockney, Jarvis Cocker, Sir Ben Kingsley, Michael Palin, Jeremy Clarkson, Vic Reeves, Ernie Wise,  Corrine Bailey Rae, The Kaiser Chiefs, Def Leppard, the list is endless. Basically Yorkshire is the balls, or in Yorkshire terminology ‘the dogs danglies’.

So in true Colleyswobbles style another one of our favourite Disney classics has been re-adjusted for your entertainment. Imagine Ariel and Sebastian we’re from good old Yorkshire. Ariel is tempted to move down South, but proud Yorkshire lad Sebastian (let’s call him Bazza in that case) has some advice for her as follows;

(To be sang in the style of Under the Sea, YouTube it if you need a reminder)

Ariel down South, it’s a mess. Life in Yorkshire is better than owt they got down there.

Sean Bean is always keener
Suppin’ his tea with cake
You dream about going yonder
But that’s just a big mistake
Just look at the folk around you
Right here in God’s Country
Such wonderful things surround you
Nowt like it, it’s all for thee

Nowt like a tea
Or Wensleydale Cheese
Petal it’s better
Up where it’s wetter
Take it from me
Up on the Moor we stroll all day
Down South, they on tubes drinking latte
There’s no time for joking
We’re full time devoting
To suppin’ tea

The beer is always dearer
Pay thirty quid for steak
You dream about going down there
But that is a big mistake
Just look at the deals around you
Right here on your front door
Aye wonderful things surround you
What more are you looking for?

Nowt like a tea
Or Wensleydale Cheese
What is ricotta?
Wensleydale it’s not(ta)
And don’t give me Brie
Up on the Moor we stroll all day
Down South, they on tubes drinking latte
There’s no time for joking
We’re full time devoting
To suppin’ tea

Up here all the folk are ‘appy
As ‘appy as pigs in muck
With places like Fountains Abbey
Us chaps are just blessed with luck
With food like the Yorkshire Pudding
Piled onto an empty plate
A portion of Rhubarb crumble
No finer food can be ate

Nowt like a tea
Nowt like a tea
Nobody beats us
Try us and meet us
In Whitby Quay
In Yorkshire born was Captain Cook
Them Brontes wrote a reet good book
Nowt ‘ere’s worth fretting
No point regretting

Just ‘ave some tea (Just ‘ave some tea)
Nowt like a tea (Nowt like a tea)

Since life is sweet here
We doin’ reet here
Naturally (Naturally)
Even the straight folk and the gay
Drink beer in the pub on Friday
Go watch the cricket
Run down a snicket
For chippy tea

We folk are happy come what may
We got the spirit
You got to hear it
We bloody love tea!

In Hull it’s never dull
They’re friendly in Emley
Spend yer brass in Cas
They’re smiley in Filey
Eat Stilton in Bilton
Get shakey in Wakey
Do Otley dressed as broccoli (Yeah)

Nowt like a tea
Or Wensleydale Cheese
Petal it’s better
Up where it’s wetter
Take it from me
Up on the Moor we stroll all day
Down South, they on tubes drinking latte
There’s no time for joking
We’re full time devoting
To suppin’ tea

Nowt like a tea (Nowt like a tea)
Nowt like a tea (Nowt like a tea)
We got good cuisine
Our curries are mean
I’m sure you’ll agree
We got the lot, a lot of land
Yorkshire it’s bloody grand

We like our beer here
We’re full of cheer here
We love our tea

We like a flat cap here
We eat our snap here
We love our tea

Walk through the Dales here
Sup lots of Ales here

That’s why it’s better
Up where it’s wetter

Aye we in luck here
Up in the muck here
Drinking our Tea

So there you have it, and ode to the best place on earth, Yorkshire.

Cheers

Gem x

Babies, Baby, Celebs, Children, Comedy, Cooking, Family, Food, Friends, Funny, Housewife, Living with Kids, Mom, Mommy, Mum, Mummy, Mummy Blogger, Mums, Parenting, Toddler, Toddlers, Uncategorized

The Liebster Award

This week the lovely Sarah (@mamawifeyavery) from To Maternity and Beyond nominated me for a Liebster Award. Thank you Sarah 🙂

Apologies to any of my other lovely followers who have also nominated me for this already and I haven’t reciprocated. The past few months have been busy ones and this has been the first opportunity I’ve had chance to return the favour.

So what is The Liebster Award? Well it’s a way of finding out more about bloggers you are interested in by asking them a set of questions. So here goes.

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The rules are:

  • Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog in your post.
  • Show the award on your blog or in your post.
  • Answer the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
  • Write 11 random facts about yourself.
  • Nominate 5-11 bloggers that you feel deserve the award.
  • Create a list of new questions for your nominees to answer.
  • Once your blog is published, let your nominees know that they have been nominated and link them to your post for more details.

My Answers to Sarah’s Questions:

Why did you start your blog?

Back in July 2015 I made a bit of a boob (literally) of myself. I basically breastfed my little boy quite a while after having a fake tan (stupid I know), and cue a little Desperate Dan like face (but don’t worry it rubbed straight off and he was absolutely fine). Seeing the humorous side I added the picture along with a light hearted warning to fellow mummies onto The Unmumsy Mums page on Facebook. Little did I know the picture was going to go completely viral. After receiving an amazing response (and a few not so amazing) from people all over the world I wanted to share my side of the story. I’d always had a passion for writing, and as a mum to two boys on maternity leave, my brain needed a serious recharge. So what better way to start my blogging adventure, and so they say, the rest is history.

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If you won the lottery tomorrow, what’s the first thing you’d buy?

A  first class trip to Australia. Myself and the hubby spent an amazing year there in 2006. We’d love go back and take our family to see the one and only Osborns (the nicest people in the world). It would be wonderful to see our boys playing with their children, and for the family to enjoy all of the special places/experiences we did 10 years ago (where did that time go?).

Describe your perfect Saturday night in.

Now Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway and Take Me Out (No likey, no lighty) is on, Saturday nights are complete. Just add a lovely meal (occasional takeaway, would be rude not to); the hubster (preferably wearing very little); a nice bottle of prosecco and twinkly lights/candles. Perfect.

Who is your favourite author?

Currently Sarah Turner – The Unmumsy Mum. An absolutely hilarious and incredibly true account of motherhood. I spent most of the time reading the book and nodding away like Churchill the dog. Some truly laugh out loud moments, and some very heartfelt ones. It’s nice to know that no one’s perfect (regardless of what their Instagram page may lead us to believe) and admit that parenting is no walk in the park.

Previous to Mrs Turner, I love a good bit of Bill Bryson, learn whilst wetting yourself with laughter.Image result for bill bryson books I also love reading the boys Julia Donaldson books. Fantastic rhymes and always a lovely story. What more could you want from a book?

Where did you last go on holiday?

We last went on holiday to a gorgeous all inclusive called the Crystal Palace (no not the football stadium) in Side, Turkey.  5 star luxury with no cleaning, washing up, or cooking to do (but still nappy changing, chasing after children and dealing with whining, well we can’t have everything can we). Great hotel, couldn’t recommend it enough. I actually started to write a blog about the comparisons of holidays pre and post kids, but have still yet to publish it. Keep your eyes peeled.

What is your dream job?

As a child I spent a bit of time in the children’s hospital so I’d always wanted to be a nurse or in a role of a caring nature. However, the older I’ve become the more fearful I am of sick, blood and guts, that and the fact I don’t think I could cope with the emotional strain the role brings. What a bloody hard job, I salute every nurse, doctor, midwife and carer out there. Thank you for what you do. You are real life heroes. You deserve so much more.

Cheese or chocolate?

Although I am partial to the odd bar of chocolate, I’m a cheese girl all the way. Halloumi, brie, Camembert, cheddar, Gruyère, Port Salut, Feta, Gouda, Wensleydale (I’m a Yorkshire lass after all), Emmental, mozzarella, it doesn’t matter, just get in my belly!

What was the last thing you saw at the cinema?

A trip to the cinema these days is a rarity. We did take our son to see The Peppa Pig Movie for his second birthday *sigh*. Although if I have to be completely honest I think we quite enjoyed it too (but shhh don’t tell anyone). The most recent grown up film we saw was Spectre, who doesn’t love a bit of Bond, James Bond? We were well impressed with the fact one of our local cinemas had had a complete luxury upgrade and we were welcomed with plush leather reclining seats. Cinemas have come a long way since the chewing gum encrusted, none-reclining, neck breaking naff upholstered seats.

                               

If you had the opportunity to go into space would you take it?

If there was a guaranteed chance I would return in one piece to my family, then hell yes. An absolute once in a lifetime opportunity. What an amazing experience. Although I’m not sure how I’d cope in one of those g-force whizzymibobbies they test you in first. Bleurgh! Plus how do you wee or poop in space? 

What is your favourite thing to cook?

I love cooking full stop, but if I had to choose I’d say a good Sunday roast. Lots of different elements which can be mixed up week to week. Varied meat, varied veg and not to forget it involves my favourite, the Yorkshire pudding. 

Who would play you in a movie about your life?

It would be a pretty boring film, I’m not even sure the plush leather seats would keep people seated. Although if I could choose an actress to play me I’d have to have a comedy actress such as Sandra Bullock or Kristen Wiig. What would life be without laughter?
  

11 Random Facts About Me

  1. I used to dress as a giant squirrel and walk/dance around the office. I’m not a furry (watch the Channel 4 doc if you need clarification), but I bloody loved every sweaty minute in that Squirrel suit. *This is the actual costume*SQUIRREL MASCOT COSTUME
  2. I’m currently in the process of creating and illustrating a children’s picture book with my very talented and lovely partner in Rhyme Rhyming with Wine. Keep your eyes peeled and hopefully coming to a book shop near you.
  3. I was lucky enough to meet Jonny Wilkinson *swoon* and his fellow England Rugby Union team mates *double swoon* at a Corporate event I supported with in one of my previous careers.  
  4. You may find me on your TV screens soon (namely on E4’s Virtually Famous). All due to my rather slack tanning incident. I’ve actually wrote a blog about the experience as there’s a high possibility I may look like a complete douche (you can find out why here).IMG_0311-0
  5. I hate bad spelling/grammar (although I’ve no doubt I’ll regret saying this I’m sure you’ll make me aware of my mistakes now). I’m talking their, there, they’re and your, you’re. Grrr!
  6. I’m left handed, and so they say this makes you creative. Which I like to think I am.
  7. I got offered a job to work as a Beauty Therapist at Ragdale Hall Health Hall Hydro, but fell in love and went to Australia instead.
  8. I’m a total magpie and love anything that sparkles or glitters (I was meant to be a Gem).
  9. I have a ‘thing’ for monkeys and apes. My husband took me to Monkey World for my 25th birthday. Bloody loved it and we’re hoping to return one day with our two little monkeys.
  10. I have Trypophobia (a fear of things with lots of holes in). Yes this is seriously a thing. It makes me totally cringe, especially those bloody fake boob lotus plant things that keep appearing on Facebook.
  11. I once dropped a huge round table on my foot whilst setting up for our wedding do (we got married abroad so had a party at home too) a bit of a swollen foot and a bandage later and I was good to go, still danced the night away. 

I Would Like to Nominate:

Rhyming with Wine

A Moment with Franca

Tayla

This Mums Life

CuddleFairy

Mummy’s Beans

Wee Monkey and Me

Geri Cobwebs

Mudpie Fridays

Leo Lionman & Mummy

My 11 Questions

  1. If you could have three people (dead or alive) round for dinner who would they be and why?
  2. What’s your most embarrassing moment?
  3. What do you think makes a good blogger?
  4. What’s your favourite place in the world?
  5. Who’s your celebrity crush?
  6. What’s your favourite film?
  7. Which is your favourite book to read to your child(ren)?
  8. Why do you write a blog?
  9. The Goonies, Gremlins, or Ghostbusters?
  10. Justin Bieber, yay or nay?
  11. What is your proudest moment/achievement?

Well there it is. I hope you enjoyed it and I look forward to reading yours and learning a little bit more about you.

Gem x

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100
Babies, Celebs, Comedy, Hotel, London, Parenting, Toddlers, Travel, Travelling, TV

You Can Take the Girl Out of Yorkshire (Part Two)

The closer we got to the studios, the nerves were starting to kick in, but before I knew it I saw the sign. We had arrived at Elstree Studios. The driver stopped at the security booth, and they directed him to studio nine where Virtually Famous was being filmed. Once the driver stopped outside the studio, we were immediately welcomed by one of the very friendly assistant producers who ushered us to our dressing room. En route we walked past the very funny Romesh Ranganathan, both Rich and I did that telepathic ‘Did you see who that was?’ look to each other. Got to play it cool and all that. Hang on wait a second, rewind a bit, our own dressing room? Did you say our own dressing room? You know I’m just a mere girl from Yorkshire who boobed tanned her baby right? I don’t deserve my own dressing room, I just thought I’d be sat straight in the seats to watch the show. But if you insist, we shall happily oblige.
IMG_0302IMG_0303Not only that, we got fed! One way to win me over is with food, especially if it involves duck and dauphinoise potatoes. If Carlsberg did nights out. IMG_0304Food devoured, I took a little trip to the ladies (but more for a quick nosy around). In the room next to us was the comedian Russell Kane, and when he said ‘Alright?’ all I could manage to utter was a quick ‘Hi’. The only way I could describe my awkwardness, is in comparison to Perry of Kevin and Perry fame, well, apart from the Kangol hat and ape like arm swinging. I was starting to realise I wasn’t as good at ‘playing it cool’ as I’d always said would be if I met a celeb. As nervous as a pig in a bacon factory, yes, cool as a cucumber, nope.

A bit later one of the assistant producers came to take us for a look round the studio to give us an idea of where we’d be sitting and what would be happening. Cue inevitable photos of me posing in the studio.   My first experience of a TV studio, and I was going to be a part of it. Oh balls, now it really was real.

Back to the dressing room and a bit more time to kill pre showtime. Bugger it, I’m having a Mars bar. One Mars bar, a bottle of water and another nervous wee later, it was time to be seated. We got escorted into the studio, and the previously unoccupied seats were now full. Holy shiitake mushroom! I was then mic’d up (whilst people watched wondering ‘who’s she?’, ‘why she being mic’d up’, etc). The main thoughts running through my head at this point; ‘Aw bab is it too late to pull out?’, ‘Can they hear me speaking?’, ‘Will people think I’m a cockwomble?’, ‘What will I say?’, ‘Do I have any duck and dauphinoise in my teeth?’

Mic’d up and seated, the warm up guy got the audience really going (I guess that’s why he’s there), and everyone was enjoying themselves. It didn’t take long before I started to forget the real reason why I was there. The panellists and guests were all introduced and it was time to role. Lights, camera, action.

I’ll try not go into too much detail because you can see it for yourself, but as part of the show Mark from MIC was asked to identify a few objects. One of which was a Pot Noodle, to which he remarked something along the lines of ‘It’s some type of wartime rationing food’. So another one of the panellists said ‘That was my staple diet at uni’, so Mark responded with ‘Ew which University, Leeds?’. As a girl from Leeds/Wakefield I thought I could mention it somehow as a bit of a joke. The entire time I was having an inner monologue argument with myself which sounded something like this, ‘Yeah I’ll say something funny about it just for a laugh, no actually I won’t, well I suppose I could, it might make people laugh, no no I won’t I don’t want to look like a tool’. Argument resolved, I’m not going to. Then before I knew it Kevin McHale questioned ‘Where’s Gemma Colley?’, the cameras all panned my way, and everyone’s eyes were suddenly on me. Aw crap! Cue a bumbling rabbit in headlights. ‘So Gemma, can you explain why you’re here?’. Just to clarify I can’t really remember a great deal of what happened or what was said. It was all a bit of a whirlwind. But this I think is something along the lines of what I said, ‘Hi, yes well I got a spray tan for a wedding, went home and went about my daily duties, had a Pot Noodle because I’m from Leeds, and that’s what we do.’ Oh god, I said it! I thought we had this discussion, and we agreed we weren’t going to say it you absolute dimwit! To make matters worse I’m pretty sure I saw some tumbleweed pass through the studio. Well done Gemma, you do look like a cockwomble afterall.  I could almost feel my husband want to melt into his seat and I wouldn’t blame him. He wasn’t the only one. I spent the remainder of the show hoping they were going to say ‘Gemma that was crap, let’s do it again’. They didn’t. All I can say is I hope their editing team are good and have plenty of canned laughter at their disposal. I’d also like to thank my hubby for making a very valid point, what if they totally edit out the Pot Noodle bit with Mark, then as a result I’m just going to sound like a complete knob jockey randomly declaring to the world I eat Pot Noodles because I’m from Leeds. I can officially say this isn’t the case. Don’t get me wrong I have enjoyed the odd one in my life, but it’s not a regular thing. So if you happen to watch the show whenever it gets aired, I hope this may explain my odd remarks and douchebag appearance, that’s if they don’t completely edit out. I shall be watching through my fingers accompanied with a huge glass of wine.

After the show we were lucky enough to attend a bit of the wrap party and enjoy a few well needed drinks. We even had a chat with the very lovely Russell Kane, this time managing to string a few sentences together, and not a Perry in sight. It must’ve been the Dutch courage. A couple of G&T’s later, and in the mindset that I probably won’t get another opportunity like it, I did the  thing I always said I wouldn’t do if I met someone famous, and here is the evidence;    Yup, I did the ‘Can I have a picture?’ thing. They were all troopers, and more than happy to oblige.

With photos taken, our car had arrived to take us back to the hotel, it was time to leave the professionals to it. What a great night we’d had, but it was time to get back to the hotel, and to reality. We decided a drink in the hotel bar would nicely round off the evening, but £12 for one cocktail? You’d get three cocktails for that where I live. So the tight Yorkshire lass in me opted for a Baileys and milk. Back in the room the inevitable happened…..kettle on, PJ’s on, brew made, and rugby league on the TV. You can take the girl out of Yorkshire, but you can’t take the Yorkshire out of the girl. The next day (after an epic lie in until 9am, and a lovely full English breakfast) we did the tourist thing and went for a quick look round Westminster, at the Houses of Parliament, Big Ben, and had a shufty round the impressive Tate Art Gallery. I remembered seeing a Barbara Hepworth display and saying proudly ‘She’s from Shakey Wakey our lad’. A little bit of home in the big city.  Tourist mode up and time to go, we enjoyed our last chauffeur driven trip to Kings Cross to catch our train.

We had a great time in London, so I want to say a massive thank you to Talkback for such a great and well organised experience. Thank you for having us, hopefully I didn’t balls up your programme too much. All will be revealed when it’s aired.

A few hours later we were home, and most importantly, back to our beautiful boys. I know it was only a night, but by Jove we missed those little buggers, even if we knew the next morning we’d be up at 6am listening to ‘Mummy, Daddy, get up, it’s morning time. Let’s go downstairs’. Bye to lie ins and private loo visits, hello to umpteen nappy changes, and constant questioning, ‘Why mummy? Why? But why though?’. Mummy mode fully activated.

As much fun as we had in London, I wouldn’t trade my fart, poop, bogey filled life with the boys for anything else. Don’t get me wrong though the odd child free romantic weekend away would be just delightful (Hint hint Richard if you happen to be reading this).

So, there you have it, that’s what went down in London Town. One thing I do know is I’ll never look at a Pot Noodle in the same way.

Gem x

*UPDATE* By the way you can see Virtually Famous on a Tuesday night at 10pm on e4 or on Friday night at 11pm on channel 4. I think my probably embarrassing performance is the last episode. 

ethannevelyn
Life Love and Dirty Dishes

 

My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows