Babies, Baby, Children, Comedy, Daddy, Dads, Family, Friends, Funny, Home, Housewife, Living with Kids, Love, Mom, Mommy, Mum, Mummy, Mummy Blogger, Mums, Parent, Parenting, Tidying, Toddler, Toddlers, Uncategorized

The Parent Crap

I love my husband dearly, he’s my rock, and all that lovey dovey blurb… but some nights I want nothing more than to roundhouse him to the floor! (Before you start, I don’t condone violence and I would never actually do it, but imagining it in the style of a Peter Griffin/Family Guy cut away clip makes it ok, right?).

Tonight is a prime example. The two children (I’d once lovingly lugged around like an overweight gorilla for 18 long months, propelled into the world in the most undignified and painful way from my noo noo, and sacrificed my once pert boobs to) have told me more than enough times this evening, “No Mummy I don’t want you I want Daddyyyyyyy!!!” accompanied with a scowl the grumpy cat would be proud of.

Granted, it’s not entirely Daddy’s fault he is awesome and very cuddly, but it still doesn’t stop me from wanting to get all Chuck Norris on his ass!

All I wanted was a cuddle, but instead I got a wriggling octopus with a one word Daddy Dictionary. Grrr!

So yes, I’ll put my hands up and admit it. I’m jealous! How does he do it? Am I doing something wrong? Am I too strict? Is it because I’ve gone back to work and they’re mad at me? Is it because they genuinely don’t love me as much? #mumguilt

In all honestly I don’t know why. I am however starting to realise that life as a family isn’t all Von Trap sing-alongs whilst parading through the meadows hand in hand, and I’d question anyone who said otherwise.

The faultless pictures you see on Instagram aren’t real. Mr and Mrs Perfect’s model family photo frolicking in a strawberry field was probably taken on their twenty second attempt on account of joyful Johnny shoving strawberries up his nose and sweet Susie flashing her knickers for the thirtieth time.

Before we had the boys I remember saying to people “We never argue, we get on so well, we’re best mates, blah blah blah“. Post kids, were still best mates, but argue? We do now. I’m not talking the dramatic Eastenders throwing plates at the wall “Ger art of ma pub!” type arguing, but we do have our disagreements and fall outs like most people. Why? Here’s a bit of parental maths:

cook-offAnother thing that adds to the ‘parent crap’ is the resentment. I never thought I’d resent their Daddy for going to work, but I remember thinking he was staying late at work to check out the hot toned girls who actually had time for the gym (unlike his baby bellied wife). I thought it was his way to avoid the crazy bedtime routine, but in actual reality he was working his backside off to pay bills and keep his job.

On the flip side he resented me for staying at home with his two little boys having all of that time to make memories whilst he was at work. A vicious cycle. The only way to avoid it crumbling is to tell yourself your both in it together. You’re a team. A family team.

So whether my little snot rockets are Daddy’s boys or Mummy’s boys it doesn’t matter, we’re a team, a unit, and they will have our undying love until the day we are no more.

(Seriously though kids, you best start giving me more cuddles or Daddy’s never going to get another cup of tea).

Gem x

I’m very proud to be part of the Meet Other Mums #blogsquad you can find my original blog on their fantastic webpage http://meetothermums.com

meet other mums

Petite Pudding
Rhyming with Wine
3 Little Buttons

Mudpie Fridays

 

Babies, Baby, Celebs, Children, Comedy, Cooking, Family, Food, Friends, Funny, Housewife, Living with Kids, Mom, Mommy, Mum, Mummy, Mummy Blogger, Mums, Parenting, Toddler, Toddlers, Uncategorized

The Liebster Award

This week the lovely Sarah (@mamawifeyavery) from To Maternity and Beyond nominated me for a Liebster Award. Thank you Sarah 🙂

Apologies to any of my other lovely followers who have also nominated me for this already and I haven’t reciprocated. The past few months have been busy ones and this has been the first opportunity I’ve had chance to return the favour.

So what is The Liebster Award? Well it’s a way of finding out more about bloggers you are interested in by asking them a set of questions. So here goes.

liebster-award-large-300x269

The rules are:

  • Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog in your post.
  • Show the award on your blog or in your post.
  • Answer the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
  • Write 11 random facts about yourself.
  • Nominate 5-11 bloggers that you feel deserve the award.
  • Create a list of new questions for your nominees to answer.
  • Once your blog is published, let your nominees know that they have been nominated and link them to your post for more details.

My Answers to Sarah’s Questions:

Why did you start your blog?

Back in July 2015 I made a bit of a boob (literally) of myself. I basically breastfed my little boy quite a while after having a fake tan (stupid I know), and cue a little Desperate Dan like face (but don’t worry it rubbed straight off and he was absolutely fine). Seeing the humorous side I added the picture along with a light hearted warning to fellow mummies onto The Unmumsy Mums page on Facebook. Little did I know the picture was going to go completely viral. After receiving an amazing response (and a few not so amazing) from people all over the world I wanted to share my side of the story. I’d always had a passion for writing, and as a mum to two boys on maternity leave, my brain needed a serious recharge. So what better way to start my blogging adventure, and so they say, the rest is history.

11825092_10153044854659033_5238518457072788910_n

If you won the lottery tomorrow, what’s the first thing you’d buy?

A  first class trip to Australia. Myself and the hubby spent an amazing year there in 2006. We’d love go back and take our family to see the one and only Osborns (the nicest people in the world). It would be wonderful to see our boys playing with their children, and for the family to enjoy all of the special places/experiences we did 10 years ago (where did that time go?).

Describe your perfect Saturday night in.

Now Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway and Take Me Out (No likey, no lighty) is on, Saturday nights are complete. Just add a lovely meal (occasional takeaway, would be rude not to); the hubster (preferably wearing very little); a nice bottle of prosecco and twinkly lights/candles. Perfect.

Who is your favourite author?

Currently Sarah Turner – The Unmumsy Mum. An absolutely hilarious and incredibly true account of motherhood. I spent most of the time reading the book and nodding away like Churchill the dog. Some truly laugh out loud moments, and some very heartfelt ones. It’s nice to know that no one’s perfect (regardless of what their Instagram page may lead us to believe) and admit that parenting is no walk in the park.

Previous to Mrs Turner, I love a good bit of Bill Bryson, learn whilst wetting yourself with laughter.Image result for bill bryson books I also love reading the boys Julia Donaldson books. Fantastic rhymes and always a lovely story. What more could you want from a book?

Where did you last go on holiday?

We last went on holiday to a gorgeous all inclusive called the Crystal Palace (no not the football stadium) in Side, Turkey.  5 star luxury with no cleaning, washing up, or cooking to do (but still nappy changing, chasing after children and dealing with whining, well we can’t have everything can we). Great hotel, couldn’t recommend it enough. I actually started to write a blog about the comparisons of holidays pre and post kids, but have still yet to publish it. Keep your eyes peeled.

What is your dream job?

As a child I spent a bit of time in the children’s hospital so I’d always wanted to be a nurse or in a role of a caring nature. However, the older I’ve become the more fearful I am of sick, blood and guts, that and the fact I don’t think I could cope with the emotional strain the role brings. What a bloody hard job, I salute every nurse, doctor, midwife and carer out there. Thank you for what you do. You are real life heroes. You deserve so much more.

Cheese or chocolate?

Although I am partial to the odd bar of chocolate, I’m a cheese girl all the way. Halloumi, brie, Camembert, cheddar, Gruyère, Port Salut, Feta, Gouda, Wensleydale (I’m a Yorkshire lass after all), Emmental, mozzarella, it doesn’t matter, just get in my belly!

What was the last thing you saw at the cinema?

A trip to the cinema these days is a rarity. We did take our son to see The Peppa Pig Movie for his second birthday *sigh*. Although if I have to be completely honest I think we quite enjoyed it too (but shhh don’t tell anyone). The most recent grown up film we saw was Spectre, who doesn’t love a bit of Bond, James Bond? We were well impressed with the fact one of our local cinemas had had a complete luxury upgrade and we were welcomed with plush leather reclining seats. Cinemas have come a long way since the chewing gum encrusted, none-reclining, neck breaking naff upholstered seats.

                               

If you had the opportunity to go into space would you take it?

If there was a guaranteed chance I would return in one piece to my family, then hell yes. An absolute once in a lifetime opportunity. What an amazing experience. Although I’m not sure how I’d cope in one of those g-force whizzymibobbies they test you in first. Bleurgh! Plus how do you wee or poop in space? 

What is your favourite thing to cook?

I love cooking full stop, but if I had to choose I’d say a good Sunday roast. Lots of different elements which can be mixed up week to week. Varied meat, varied veg and not to forget it involves my favourite, the Yorkshire pudding. 

Who would play you in a movie about your life?

It would be a pretty boring film, I’m not even sure the plush leather seats would keep people seated. Although if I could choose an actress to play me I’d have to have a comedy actress such as Sandra Bullock or Kristen Wiig. What would life be without laughter?
  

11 Random Facts About Me

  1. I used to dress as a giant squirrel and walk/dance around the office. I’m not a furry (watch the Channel 4 doc if you need clarification), but I bloody loved every sweaty minute in that Squirrel suit. *This is the actual costume*SQUIRREL MASCOT COSTUME
  2. I’m currently in the process of creating and illustrating a children’s picture book with my very talented and lovely partner in Rhyme Rhyming with Wine. Keep your eyes peeled and hopefully coming to a book shop near you.
  3. I was lucky enough to meet Jonny Wilkinson *swoon* and his fellow England Rugby Union team mates *double swoon* at a Corporate event I supported with in one of my previous careers.  
  4. You may find me on your TV screens soon (namely on E4’s Virtually Famous). All due to my rather slack tanning incident. I’ve actually wrote a blog about the experience as there’s a high possibility I may look like a complete douche (you can find out why here).IMG_0311-0
  5. I hate bad spelling/grammar (although I’ve no doubt I’ll regret saying this I’m sure you’ll make me aware of my mistakes now). I’m talking their, there, they’re and your, you’re. Grrr!
  6. I’m left handed, and so they say this makes you creative. Which I like to think I am.
  7. I got offered a job to work as a Beauty Therapist at Ragdale Hall Health Hall Hydro, but fell in love and went to Australia instead.
  8. I’m a total magpie and love anything that sparkles or glitters (I was meant to be a Gem).
  9. I have a ‘thing’ for monkeys and apes. My husband took me to Monkey World for my 25th birthday. Bloody loved it and we’re hoping to return one day with our two little monkeys.
  10. I have Trypophobia (a fear of things with lots of holes in). Yes this is seriously a thing. It makes me totally cringe, especially those bloody fake boob lotus plant things that keep appearing on Facebook.
  11. I once dropped a huge round table on my foot whilst setting up for our wedding do (we got married abroad so had a party at home too) a bit of a swollen foot and a bandage later and I was good to go, still danced the night away. 

I Would Like to Nominate:

Rhyming with Wine

A Moment with Franca

Tayla

This Mums Life

CuddleFairy

Mummy’s Beans

Wee Monkey and Me

Geri Cobwebs

Mudpie Fridays

Leo Lionman & Mummy

My 11 Questions

  1. If you could have three people (dead or alive) round for dinner who would they be and why?
  2. What’s your most embarrassing moment?
  3. What do you think makes a good blogger?
  4. What’s your favourite place in the world?
  5. Who’s your celebrity crush?
  6. What’s your favourite film?
  7. Which is your favourite book to read to your child(ren)?
  8. Why do you write a blog?
  9. The Goonies, Gremlins, or Ghostbusters?
  10. Justin Bieber, yay or nay?
  11. What is your proudest moment/achievement?

Well there it is. I hope you enjoyed it and I look forward to reading yours and learning a little bit more about you.

Gem x

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100
Babies, Baby, Children, Christmas, Family, Friends, Home, Love, Mummy, Mummy Blogger, Music, Parenting, Smiling, Toddler, Toddlers, Uncategorized

You’re the Love of My Life

It’s Christmas Day, ready to burst from feasting on umpteen sprouts (pppparrrrppp), lashings of mash, spoonfuls of stuffing, and enough turkey to feed a baby T-Rex, we all plonk ourselves down on the sofa with a Prosseco in hand (apart from the kids of course, they had beer, just kidding!) The kids were happily playing with their new toys and gifts whilst we lovingly watched them. Without realising the time had slipped away my mum starts giving the indication they’re going to think about making a move, not a chance, tis the season to be jolly and all that. As a result my barmaid alter ego jumped to a start, and glasses were quickly filled (that should hold them a little longer), then cue my other alter ego, DJ Wobbles (Wobbles by name wobbles by nature, especially after a few bubbles).

With Spotify at my disposal I proceeded to put some tunes on to get them into the ‘Christmas spirit’. I started my musical journey with Sash! taking us back to 1997 playing classics such as Equador, Stay and Encore Une Fois, they may be 18 years old but they’d still get the young uns up dancing I have no doubt. My parents took a liking to Sash! during my teen years and have still been known to dance around their living room to it, so this had to be a surefire winner. DJ Wobbles 1 – 0 Parents.

Next let’s turn it up a notch and open up for requests. One sure fire way to win people over with music is to allow them to make requests and let the memories flow. If there’s one thing that can spark a memory off, it’s music. So there we were transported back to the days of my long haired rocker of a dad listening to the likes of Yes, Cream, and Derek and the Dominos. One thing I can confirm is that my dad has good choice in music. Who can deny it with the acoustic riffs from songs such as Layla, Roundabout, and Sunshine Of Your Love. So from such epic music what did DJ Wobbles put on next? Whip Nae Nae of course, yes I know terrible terrible music, and such a drastic change, but my son can’t half bust a move to it, and yes for a moment I was that pushy ‘look at what my son can do’ mum I always said I wouldn’t be. Next two more of his favourites, Sugarhill Gang – Rappers Delight and Apache, we had to let him have a bit of the limelight, and boy did he steal it. Ashley Banjo, watch your back 😉

Next a few numbers for my very glamorous mum, a bit of Donna Summer, Hot Stuff. A classic and it will never cease to remind me of the brilliant moment in The Full Monty when they’re all queueing up and thrusting. On the back of the 70’s vibe we moved onto the fantastic and very catchy Earth, Wind, and Fire – September, then up to the 80’s with a bit of Borderline by Madonna with the necessary sprinkling of the wonderful Michael Jackson all teamed with my questionable and probably incredibly crap looking dance moves. All dance moves were learnt courtesy of my favourite Wii game, The Michael Experience. (Hopefully my neighbours haven’t had to witness this too, although my son was once on the receiving end of the Wii controller due to my rather enthusiastic ‘Heeeheee!’ move. Sorry son). Anyway I digress.

So next we moved onto our wedding songs, meaning the tone softened especially when my dad whispered in my ear “Play Carly Simon – Love of My Life, your mum will like that“. If you haven’t heard this song then I can’t urge you enough to listen to it. It’s so beautiful. The song was inspired by her children.

From the moment I first saw you,

The second that you were born,

I knew that you were the love of my life,

Quite simply the love of my life

As I listened to the lyrics snuggled with my baby I looked over at my dad who was cuddling and singing the song to my toddler. I remembered my dad singing in the same way to me as a little girl, and do you know what it doesn’t really seem that long ago. Time simply goes too quickly. It’s only since I’ve had my boys that I’ve started to understand this. I remember when I was pregnant people always used to say “Treasure it, time goes so quickly“, it used to get right on my baps, but they were right, it’s so true.

So anyway, there I was listening to the beautiful lyrics and reminiscing, then my eyes leaked (yep I cried like a baby), now it’s very likely Prosecco had a certain influence as it does in many a moment, but I was so happy to be sharing Christmas with some of the most loved people in my life, my boys, husband and parents. I felt lucky we were all sharing that moment together as it could have been a different story a few years ago, thankfully it wasn’t. That’s all well and good for me I know, unfortunately some are not so fortunate and my heart truly goes out to them. This is why we really have to make the most of our lives, and not take our family and friends for granted, we just don’t know when it might all change.

That moment also made me realise my babies are growing up so quickly and before I know it I’ll be the grandparent singing to my grandchild (but yeah let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves).
Basically it was an episode of Back to the Future but without Doc, a Hoverboard, or clocktower in sight. I was Martina McFly blasted back to the past as a little girl seeing my mum and dad care and nurture for me like I’m doing now for my boys. The realisation that they’ve been there and done it all for me and my sister. All the times they’ve wiped my backside (as a baby of course), cleaned up my sick (again as a baby with the occasional later life mishap I’m sure), told me not to touch ornaments and had a cheeky response back, had to deal with a moody teenager that would have given Kevin (and Perry) a run for his money, and worried themselves sick about me one night as I hadn’t come home at curfew only to find I was at a ‘lock in’ at the local caravan site pub until 2.30am because I was trying to look ‘cool’ and be accepted. I didn’t end up looking ‘cool’ as I remember walking back to the caravan with my ‘friends’ and seeing a tall silhouette holding an umbrella walking towards us at a fast pace, it was my dad and I was in big trouble. Dad 1-0 Streetcred. Looking back I cringe because I now know how they must’ve felt. Their baby who they’d lovingly brought up could have been in the bottom of a ditch, luckily I wasn’t, I was completely oblivious, just a moody teenager who wanted acceptance. So now as a thirty something mum of two, I want to apologise to my mum and dad for all of the times I’ve hurt, scared, or worried you. I now fully understand why you wouldn’t occasionally let me go out, or nagged me about not smoking and doing drugs (which I have never done as a result), because you love me, and even now, I’m still your baby.

You moulded me into the person I am today (which I think is a good, bar the odd dozy remark or situation), so thank you and I hope we can raise our boys in the same way you did with my sister and I.

So as I sat there and listened to the lyrics I realised the love of my life isn’t just my husband*, or the two little men in my life**, it’s my parents, my sister, my extended family, and my friends. They are all the love of my life. All for different reasons, but I love them so much and I am very lucky they are part of my life.

One of the reasons I’ve wrote this is because I’m not really capable of saying something like this directly to them without crying, and I’m not talking one of those beautiful single tear cries like in the movies or like Sinead O’Connor on the Nothing Compares music video, I’m talking full blown sobbing where my face goes red and puffy like I’ve had 10 rounds in the ring with Mike Tyson, not attractive.

So here it is (you know who you are), you are the love(s) of my life.

Gem x

*A man who puts up with me and my random brain farts on a daily basis, a man who could probably make Kanye West smile/laugh (no mean feat), a man who once fell asleep reading my blog (thanks for your support our lad), a man who still after all these years makes me weak at the knees, a man who is without a doubt my soulmate.
** My wonderful little poop machines, in the words of Jerry Maguire “You complete me“. I often look at them both in complete amazement. How did we create such smiley, funny, and handsome little people? They truly are a delight, then the baby voms and proceeds to create a masterpiece Tracy Emin would be proud of by wafting his hands in it, all done whilst the other farts and says “Might be a motorbike” (he’s mastered the art of denial already). Sick and trumps aside, one thing I’m sure of is I love the bones of those little men and will until the day I am no more.
TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100
ethannevelyn
Cuddle Fairy