Children, Comedy, Funny, Humour, Parenting

You Have to Laugh Tag

As a member of the SmileSquad I was tagged by the amazing folk at You Have to Laugh  into their new shiny #youhavetolaughtag. It’s all about being able to smile and have a laugh about the many trials and tribulations of parenting.

Here are my responses;

1) Fill in the gap: Before I had children I never …..

…imagined I would get asked so many questions or deal with as much poo before 7am.

2) What is the most annoying toy that your child owns or has owned and why?

Generally anything electronic bearing the words VTech. However, there is a particularly annoying cat shaped keyboard my son owns which makes me want to frantically rip my ears off.

3) Would you rather be covered in poo or covered in puke?

My logic tells me that if I were to be covered in poo then it would probably result in me also being covered in my own sick, whereas if I was covered in sick then I’d only be topping that up with further sick rather than a mix of both. It’s a lose lose situation quite frankly.

4) Is Peppa Pig more annoying than Postman Pat is bad at his job? Discuss.

I have a bit of a confession, I really like Peppa Pig, for one she keeps my son incredibly entertained and most importantly occupied. I also quite like the fact my son has a giant fairy Peppa Pig soft toy which drives his dad nuts “It’s pink and it’s got a bloody wand!” Shove your Transformers up your jaxy daddy this boy is in touch with his feminine side. Postman Pat on the other hand does irritate me, he’s fairly shoddy at his job and spends more time getting stuck in trees than actually delivering post.

5) What time constitutes a lie-in in your house now and how does this compare to your pre-child days?

7:00 – 7:30am is generally when the small people make their presence known. Usually by bouncing on us in bed or announcing loudly “It’s morning time” or “I need a wee”. If it’s a weekend we have been known to utilise the power that is Peppa Pig on the iPad for an extra half an hour or so.

6) What is your favourite swear word or swear word combo and when was the last time you used it?

I’m a bit like the Will Smith (without the rapping, acting or being a bloke) of blogging, I go easy on the swears, but if the occasion calls for it and it enhances the context then I may have a moment of potty mouth. Cockwomble. There we go.

7) Tell us your worst ever nappy or potty training experience.

Every nappy or potty training experience is the worst but the moment that will always be engraved on my mind is when both my sons (at the time 2 and new-born) both had well, shall we say particularly loose bottoms. I’ve never seen or had to ‘deal’ with quite as much brown stuff in my life. To make matters worse I decided to take them both out in the double buggy for some fresh air.  That would have been completely fine had I not forgotten the wipes and only realised this when I was too far from home…. ARGHHH! Cue one exploding toddler stood in the middle of a park with no toilets in sight. I had to use another nappy to clear up the mess whilst his brother screamed on the account of a separate explosion. It was stressful to say the least and there was a lot of washing put in the machine and wine consumed that night.

8) There is no electricity and won’t be for the next week. NONE. After eating the contents of the freezer (assuming you have a gas cooker) what the hell do you do with yourself?

If the electricity issue was only at my house then I would go to the gym / local pool a lot, not just for fitness but to utilise their warm showers. If the electricity issue was worldwide, I’d track down Bear Grylls and basically do what he tells me to.

9) If you didn’t need the money and didn’t have a little one what would you spend your days doing?

I would travel the world, drive a Mustang, eat/drink too much, dance a lot and relax. As much as I moan about the whinging constant questioning and lack of time for myself, I wouldn’t swap my life. I intend to do it all when I retire and the kids have flown the nest *sob* anyway.

10) If squirrels ruled the world, what do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages?

That’s just nuts!

Advantages:

  1. President Squirrel would have more brains and personality than the current president
  2. There’d be a lot of hidden things to find which would be quite fun, it’d be like an ongoing episode of Funhouse
  3. You could bribe them with nuts
  4. Who wouldn’t want to see a squirrel in a suit?

Disadvantages:

  1. You’d never be able to find your keys or most things for that matter
  2. Dentist bills would increase, have you seen their teeth?
  3. They’d ban words such as squirrelling as they would be derogatory terms
  4. Scrat would have a lot more competition for his nuts

11) If you could have anyone round for dinner, alive or dead, which 3 people would you choose? (NB – If you pick a dead person they would be alive during dinner – you wouldn’t just be dining with a corpse. That would be creepy)

Tom Hanks, Will Ferrell, and Will Smith. Amazing actors and all round lovely chaps. It would be a night of laughter, plenty of dancing to ‘Jump on It’, and lots of interesting tales to be told.

12) What is your favourite funny blog post ever (your own, or someone else’s)?

My favourite blog post ever has to be My Womb is a Squash and a Squeeze by Rhyming with Wine, it’s a parody of the well-known story A Squash and a Squeeze. What can I say about the amazing Dawn? She and her blog are absolutely bloody wonderful. She is the Julia Donaldson of the blogging world. Her posts are so cleverly put together and very relatable. Dawn is a real talent and most definitely someone to look out for. Clever, witty and hilarious, if you haven’t read her posts already then get over to her site (www.rhymingwithwine.com) right now and you’ll know what I mean. Did I mention we wrote a children’s book? Keep your eyes open for that one.

Lastly and purely to plug my own Blog I would say my best (and most recent) post is SuperKids which I also drew the illustrations for. I hope you like it.

So, there you have it, I hope you laughed.

Time for you to carry the baton;

Squidge and Boo

Educating Roversi

Grumblings of a SAHM

  • Copy and paste the twelve questions below into your own blog, or if you don’t have a blog, just do it on Facebook. Or the back of your bus ticket.
  • Answer them.
  • At the end of your post, tag at least 3 bloggers/friends who you’d like to fill out the #YouHaveToLaugh tag and let them know!
  • Add two of your very own questions and remove two that you don’t like as much from the original list – it’s all about evolution.
  • Use the badge code at the bottom of this post in your own post so that people can click to see this page and these rules!
  • Let us know when your post is up by tagging us on Twitter with #youhavetolaughtag at @youhave2laugh and we will retweet it. We’ll also link to it below in this very post so your answers could be seen by everyone else in the world who completes the tag! We could be talking literally  tens of people!

The questions:

  • 1) Fill in the gap: Before I had children I never …..
  • 2) What is the most annoying toy that your child owns or has owned and why?
  • 3) Would you rather be covered in poo or covered in puke?
  • 4) Is Peppa Pig more annoying than Postman Pat is bad at his job? Discuss.
  • 5) What’s the funniest question your child has asked you?
  • 6) What is your favourite swear word or swear word combo and when was the last time you used it?
  • 7) Tell us your worst ever nappy or potty training experience.
  • 8) What is the funniest thing that has happened to you as a parent?
  • 9) If you didn’t need the money and didn’t have a little one what would you spend your days doing?
  • 10) If squirrels ruled the world, what do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages?
  • 11) If you could have anyone round for dinner, alive or dead, which 3 people would you choose? (NB – If you pick a dead person they would be alive during dinner – you wouldn’t just be dining with a corpse. That would be creepy)
  • 12) What is your favourite funny blog post ever (your own, or someone else’s)?


 

Babies, Baby, Children, Comedy, Daddy, Dads, Family, Friends, Funny, Home, Housewife, Living with Kids, Love, Mom, Mommy, Mum, Mummy, Mummy Blogger, Mums, Parent, Parenting, Tidying, Toddler, Toddlers, Uncategorized

The Parent Crap

I love my husband dearly, he’s my rock, and all that lovey dovey blurb… but some nights I want nothing more than to roundhouse him to the floor! (Before you start, I don’t condone violence and I would never actually do it, but imagining it in the style of a Peter Griffin/Family Guy cut away clip makes it ok, right?).

Tonight is a prime example. The two children (I’d once lovingly lugged around like an overweight gorilla for 18 long months, propelled into the world in the most undignified and painful way from my noo noo, and sacrificed my once pert boobs to) have told me more than enough times this evening, “No Mummy I don’t want you I want Daddyyyyyyy!!!” accompanied with a scowl the grumpy cat would be proud of.

Granted, it’s not entirely Daddy’s fault he is awesome and very cuddly, but it still doesn’t stop me from wanting to get all Chuck Norris on his ass!

All I wanted was a cuddle, but instead I got a wriggling octopus with a one word Daddy Dictionary. Grrr!

So yes, I’ll put my hands up and admit it. I’m jealous! How does he do it? Am I doing something wrong? Am I too strict? Is it because I’ve gone back to work and they’re mad at me? Is it because they genuinely don’t love me as much? #mumguilt

In all honestly I don’t know why. I am however starting to realise that life as a family isn’t all Von Trap sing-alongs whilst parading through the meadows hand in hand, and I’d question anyone who said otherwise.

The faultless pictures you see on Instagram aren’t real. Mr and Mrs Perfect’s model family photo frolicking in a strawberry field was probably taken on their twenty second attempt on account of joyful Johnny shoving strawberries up his nose and sweet Susie flashing her knickers for the thirtieth time.

Before we had the boys I remember saying to people “We never argue, we get on so well, we’re best mates, blah blah blah“. Post kids, were still best mates, but argue? We do now. I’m not talking the dramatic Eastenders throwing plates at the wall “Ger art of ma pub!” type arguing, but we do have our disagreements and fall outs like most people. Why? Here’s a bit of parental maths:

cook-offAnother thing that adds to the ‘parent crap’ is the resentment. I never thought I’d resent their Daddy for going to work, but I remember thinking he was staying late at work to check out the hot toned girls who actually had time for the gym (unlike his baby bellied wife). I thought it was his way to avoid the crazy bedtime routine, but in actual reality he was working his backside off to pay bills and keep his job.

On the flip side he resented me for staying at home with his two little boys having all of that time to make memories whilst he was at work. A vicious cycle. The only way to avoid it crumbling is to tell yourself your both in it together. You’re a team. A family team.

So whether my little snot rockets are Daddy’s boys or Mummy’s boys it doesn’t matter, we’re a team, a unit, and they will have our undying love until the day we are no more.

(Seriously though kids, you best start giving me more cuddles or Daddy’s never going to get another cup of tea).

Gem x

I’m very proud to be part of the Meet Other Mums #blogsquad you can find my original blog on their fantastic webpage http://meetothermums.com

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10 Things I Hate* About Two

*Hate’s a very strong word, I much prefer ‘dislike’ or ‘don’t really enjoy’, but let’s face it they wouldn’t have the same ring would they?

This is in no way related to Heath Ledger or Julia Stiles, no this is my honest take on why having two children can be, well shall we say – challenging. I often look back to when I had the one and there’s no doubt about it, it was hard, bloody hard, but if I really think about it I had so much more opportunity to nap and watch This Morning than I do now. Oh how I miss you Phil and Holly.

So here are the 10 things I ‘don’t really enjoy’ about having two little people.

1. It’s about as rare as an eclipse when both children have a nap at the same time. The only way it’s possible (or at least in my experience) is to drive around in the car playing Classic FM like a 95 year old lady called Doris on her way to the local garden centre. Believe me it works.

The difficulty then is managing to get them both successfully out of the car and transferred into their beds. It almost always ends with one of them waking up, so the feet up – cup of coffee in hand – Come Dine with Me afternoon session I had ambitiously planned is swiftly cancelled. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love playing and chasing around after my boys but just 30 mins peace without having to answer one hundred and one questions would be lovely. In reality what do I do when the ‘rare eclipse’ strikes? I clean and tidy.

2. Multi-tasking like you’ve never multi-tasked before. It’s a skill we have to adopt because we have no other choice. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been in a situation where one hand is wiping a poopy bum and the other’s preventing the toddler from doing his best impression of Eddie the Eagle. Parents have to have reflexes like a cat. I’ve never felt more like a ninja in my life. 3. My toddler hasn’t quite grasped the fact his younger brother isn’t a toy. There have been a few occasions where I’ve caught him riding his brother like a sad donkey on the beach. The words ‘gentle‘, ‘careful‘ or the phrase ‘get off your brother‘ have never been used as much.  4. Two lots of I nappies (granted not all of you will have this issue, some of you sensibly waited). I remember one particular morning changing six nappies after only been up for an hour. How is it possible for such small people to produce so much poo? Nowadays my toddler is toilet trained so this thankfully is no longer an issue. Just the one set of nappies to deal with, phew!

However, this has now brought around a new ‘challenge’. My son always chooses incredibly inconvenient times to do a ‘poo dance’ and announce loudly for all to hear “I need a poo!” mainly when I’ve either got his baby brother fast asleep in my arms (after a long time of him fighting sleep), or when we’re out and we’ve just conveniently sat down with lunch, only to have to awkwardly abandon it and single handedly juggle belongings, a baby, and a wincing toddler to a tiny loo. Let’s face it the poo was never going to be a good thing was it? 5. One of the hardest challenges for a parent is to get through the day without getting some form of food or bodily function smeared on their clothing. As the ‘owner’ of two boys, this tends to involve a lot snot, where the chuff does it all come from? If snot could be mined they could make a base at our house, and I would be one rich lady.

With two boys in tow I have double the smearage occurrence and quadruple the amount of household washing to deal with. I love spending my days filling the washer and drier (said no mum ever!). Although it has to be said I’ve become more accustomed (doesn’t have any other option so has just accepted) having that extra accessory of banana smear, or snot splatter. Who knows it could catch on. I’ll wait for your call Vivienne. 6. The noise, oh god the noise. The decibel level has certainly escalated since we first moved into our new house. At that time we had a relatively quite one and a half year old and I was seven months pregnant (yes I know we didn’t mess about, and yes moving when heavily pregnant was not the most exhilarating moment of my life, it was flaming stressful). So I imagine our neighbour thought we were a nice quiet little family to live next door to. Wrong!

The first noise worthy experience he had to endure was listening to me whining and mooing like a cow at 4am as the contractions were kicking in – one hospital trip later and BOOM! Welcome to Noisetown.

My youngest was a pretty chilled baby and sound sleeper, however the standard loud hungry baby cries he did at all hours of the night/morning weren’t the most enjoyable. If the mother and father of the child struggle to cope with the noise then I can’t imagine the neighbour was loving it much either.

Next on the noise counter was my fast growing toddler who mastered the fine (but not very likeable) art of winging. Again if even the mother of the child can’t appreciate their own flesh and bloods constant “I don’t wannnntttt thaaaaaattttt!“, “I wannnntttt thaaaaaattttt!“, “Noooooooooooooo“, “Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!“, then my poor bugger of a neighbour certainly isn’t going to either. To compliment the winging there’s also the occasional (OK then, daily) case of ‘parent losing their shit’ noise.

But those still aren’t the worst of the noises he has to endure. No, the worse noise can usually be heard around 7:20pm – 7:30pm, and comes from the mouth of the lesser spotted singing mum, also known as me attempting to sing Feed the Birds to the boys. (Less Mary Poppins more Makeit Stoppins). So I’m sorry neighbour, I’d love to tell you it’s going to quieten down, but the reality is soon there will be two wingers once my little one enters the twonager/threenager zone. I’ve heard Boots sell some pretty good earplugs, you may want to invest.

7. Both of my son’s have an obsession with hiding things. If I could compare them to an animal they would be squirrels. Squirrels hide nuts, well my children hide just about anything they can get their hands on. On occasion the selected object in question has rather inconveniently been my keys, and always on a day when I’m in a rush to get out of the house. When my eldest was about twenty months old I caught him looking rather sheepish whilst standing near my relatively expensive speakers. Having remembered music was starting to sound a bit tinny, I put two and two together and decided to get my Mrs Marple head on. After shining a torch in the back of the speaker I discovered a plethora of items, I’m talking pens, golf balls, small knick knacks, toys, cars, a stylus, you name it, it was in there. After a lot of vigorous shaking and probing with some BBQ tongs the little hoarders stash had been retrieved. The speakers have never fully recovered, but they’re now out of reach from the ‘little squirrels’.

My ‘little squirrels’ secret hiding place

 

The plethora of stashed items found in the speaker

 

8. I am a nag nag. A double nag. One of my most used words is “No”, along with the phrases, “Please don’t do that”, “Get off that”, “Can you stop doing that please?”. This is one of the parts of motherhood I really don’t enjoy, in fact I’d go as far to say I actually hate it. I really didn’t want to be a naggy mum but when one of your children is constantly pressing the sky record button (we have a lot of random Part Rec programmes in our planner), whilst the other decides it’s a good idea to smudge his bananarey hands all over the sofa, then Mrs Naggy McNaggyson from Nagthorpe has to make an appearance.  In the past I’ve read a few articles about alternative ways to say no, but when your kid’s about to jump off the top of the slide head first “Please could you refrain from jumping off the top of the slide darling” just doesn’t cut the mustard, because ultimately the kids probably already committed to it, then cue a mammoth wait in A&E and a potential mark on the social services risk register. However nagging does have it’s uses, let’s face it if there was no such thing as nagging then there would be a lot of unpaid bills, and half done jobs (not a dig to you hubby obviously😂).

9. You have to choose. I don’t mean as to which child is your favourite (that varies on behaviour obviously), I mean there are situations where you have to balance out their needs and make an on the spot decision. I’d liken it to a game of Top Trumps. For this example I shall rename it ‘Tot Trumps’. ‘Toddler doing poo dance’ vs ‘Baby touching TV remote’. Now let’s see the stats:

Toddler Doing Poo Dance

  • Risk Factor: 95
  • Danger Level: 95
  • Speed: 70
  • Whinge Volume: 85

Baby Touching TV Remote

  • Risk Factor: 60
  • Danger Level: 20
  • Speed: 80
  • Whinge Volume: 65

The toddlers needs win on this occasion. Deleting an unwanted programme on the Sky planner not a problem, having to scrape poo off the living room floor? I’ll pass thanks.  10. When we just had the one baby waking up in the night, the hubby and I were a little more inclined to leave him for a bit to ‘cry it out’, or at least do that thing most couples do and have a ‘stand off’ (or should that be ‘lay off’) and wait for the other to make the move. Nowadays as soon as a hint of a decent cry emerges we’re quicker than Mo Farah after eating a bowl full of Quorn to react and ensure their cries don’t wake the other. After all what’s worse than a child waking up at 2am the night before you’re up early for work? Two children awake at 2am the night before you’re up early for work. So there you have it, those are my 10 Things I ‘Hate’ About Two, but it’s not all Tot Trumps, squirrels and noise. The tight Yorkshire lass in me is incredibly happy that we saved a flipping fortune on clothes and toys etc. Even though I know the pain of a second child all too well (having to endure the bobbly unfashionable hand me downs, getting the second hand bike, etc.) I’m now the sensible(ish) parent trying to be careful with money, so I’m pleased the clothes we bought and gratefully received for my first born have been used again and they’ve both got their wear out of them.

Ultimately the best thing about having two children is that my son has now got a buddy to share his childhood with. He has a friend, a best mate, a Robin to his Batman, an Ant to his Dec, and vice versa. Watching them play together is a wonderful thing, it makes me go all mushy (when they’re not having the “I was playing with that”, “Mummy, he took it off me” sharing issues).

We’ve made two beautiful boys and we couldn’t be prouder, even though our house permanently smells like farts.

Love you boys X

There is no Buddy like a Brother
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ethannevelyn
Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

 

 

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The Liebster Award

This week the lovely Sarah (@mamawifeyavery) from To Maternity and Beyond nominated me for a Liebster Award. Thank you Sarah 🙂

Apologies to any of my other lovely followers who have also nominated me for this already and I haven’t reciprocated. The past few months have been busy ones and this has been the first opportunity I’ve had chance to return the favour.

So what is The Liebster Award? Well it’s a way of finding out more about bloggers you are interested in by asking them a set of questions. So here goes.

liebster-award-large-300x269

The rules are:

  • Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog in your post.
  • Show the award on your blog or in your post.
  • Answer the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
  • Write 11 random facts about yourself.
  • Nominate 5-11 bloggers that you feel deserve the award.
  • Create a list of new questions for your nominees to answer.
  • Once your blog is published, let your nominees know that they have been nominated and link them to your post for more details.

My Answers to Sarah’s Questions:

Why did you start your blog?

Back in July 2015 I made a bit of a boob (literally) of myself. I basically breastfed my little boy quite a while after having a fake tan (stupid I know), and cue a little Desperate Dan like face (but don’t worry it rubbed straight off and he was absolutely fine). Seeing the humorous side I added the picture along with a light hearted warning to fellow mummies onto The Unmumsy Mums page on Facebook. Little did I know the picture was going to go completely viral. After receiving an amazing response (and a few not so amazing) from people all over the world I wanted to share my side of the story. I’d always had a passion for writing, and as a mum to two boys on maternity leave, my brain needed a serious recharge. So what better way to start my blogging adventure, and so they say, the rest is history.

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If you won the lottery tomorrow, what’s the first thing you’d buy?

A  first class trip to Australia. Myself and the hubby spent an amazing year there in 2006. We’d love go back and take our family to see the one and only Osborns (the nicest people in the world). It would be wonderful to see our boys playing with their children, and for the family to enjoy all of the special places/experiences we did 10 years ago (where did that time go?).

Describe your perfect Saturday night in.

Now Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway and Take Me Out (No likey, no lighty) is on, Saturday nights are complete. Just add a lovely meal (occasional takeaway, would be rude not to); the hubster (preferably wearing very little); a nice bottle of prosecco and twinkly lights/candles. Perfect.

Who is your favourite author?

Currently Sarah Turner – The Unmumsy Mum. An absolutely hilarious and incredibly true account of motherhood. I spent most of the time reading the book and nodding away like Churchill the dog. Some truly laugh out loud moments, and some very heartfelt ones. It’s nice to know that no one’s perfect (regardless of what their Instagram page may lead us to believe) and admit that parenting is no walk in the park.

Previous to Mrs Turner, I love a good bit of Bill Bryson, learn whilst wetting yourself with laughter.Image result for bill bryson books I also love reading the boys Julia Donaldson books. Fantastic rhymes and always a lovely story. What more could you want from a book?

Where did you last go on holiday?

We last went on holiday to a gorgeous all inclusive called the Crystal Palace (no not the football stadium) in Side, Turkey.  5 star luxury with no cleaning, washing up, or cooking to do (but still nappy changing, chasing after children and dealing with whining, well we can’t have everything can we). Great hotel, couldn’t recommend it enough. I actually started to write a blog about the comparisons of holidays pre and post kids, but have still yet to publish it. Keep your eyes peeled.

What is your dream job?

As a child I spent a bit of time in the children’s hospital so I’d always wanted to be a nurse or in a role of a caring nature. However, the older I’ve become the more fearful I am of sick, blood and guts, that and the fact I don’t think I could cope with the emotional strain the role brings. What a bloody hard job, I salute every nurse, doctor, midwife and carer out there. Thank you for what you do. You are real life heroes. You deserve so much more.

Cheese or chocolate?

Although I am partial to the odd bar of chocolate, I’m a cheese girl all the way. Halloumi, brie, Camembert, cheddar, Gruyère, Port Salut, Feta, Gouda, Wensleydale (I’m a Yorkshire lass after all), Emmental, mozzarella, it doesn’t matter, just get in my belly!

What was the last thing you saw at the cinema?

A trip to the cinema these days is a rarity. We did take our son to see The Peppa Pig Movie for his second birthday *sigh*. Although if I have to be completely honest I think we quite enjoyed it too (but shhh don’t tell anyone). The most recent grown up film we saw was Spectre, who doesn’t love a bit of Bond, James Bond? We were well impressed with the fact one of our local cinemas had had a complete luxury upgrade and we were welcomed with plush leather reclining seats. Cinemas have come a long way since the chewing gum encrusted, none-reclining, neck breaking naff upholstered seats.

                               

If you had the opportunity to go into space would you take it?

If there was a guaranteed chance I would return in one piece to my family, then hell yes. An absolute once in a lifetime opportunity. What an amazing experience. Although I’m not sure how I’d cope in one of those g-force whizzymibobbies they test you in first. Bleurgh! Plus how do you wee or poop in space? 

What is your favourite thing to cook?

I love cooking full stop, but if I had to choose I’d say a good Sunday roast. Lots of different elements which can be mixed up week to week. Varied meat, varied veg and not to forget it involves my favourite, the Yorkshire pudding. 

Who would play you in a movie about your life?

It would be a pretty boring film, I’m not even sure the plush leather seats would keep people seated. Although if I could choose an actress to play me I’d have to have a comedy actress such as Sandra Bullock or Kristen Wiig. What would life be without laughter?
  

11 Random Facts About Me

  1. I used to dress as a giant squirrel and walk/dance around the office. I’m not a furry (watch the Channel 4 doc if you need clarification), but I bloody loved every sweaty minute in that Squirrel suit. *This is the actual costume*SQUIRREL MASCOT COSTUME
  2. I’m currently in the process of creating and illustrating a children’s picture book with my very talented and lovely partner in Rhyme Rhyming with Wine. Keep your eyes peeled and hopefully coming to a book shop near you.
  3. I was lucky enough to meet Jonny Wilkinson *swoon* and his fellow England Rugby Union team mates *double swoon* at a Corporate event I supported with in one of my previous careers.  
  4. You may find me on your TV screens soon (namely on E4’s Virtually Famous). All due to my rather slack tanning incident. I’ve actually wrote a blog about the experience as there’s a high possibility I may look like a complete douche (you can find out why here).IMG_0311-0
  5. I hate bad spelling/grammar (although I’ve no doubt I’ll regret saying this I’m sure you’ll make me aware of my mistakes now). I’m talking their, there, they’re and your, you’re. Grrr!
  6. I’m left handed, and so they say this makes you creative. Which I like to think I am.
  7. I got offered a job to work as a Beauty Therapist at Ragdale Hall Health Hall Hydro, but fell in love and went to Australia instead.
  8. I’m a total magpie and love anything that sparkles or glitters (I was meant to be a Gem).
  9. I have a ‘thing’ for monkeys and apes. My husband took me to Monkey World for my 25th birthday. Bloody loved it and we’re hoping to return one day with our two little monkeys.
  10. I have Trypophobia (a fear of things with lots of holes in). Yes this is seriously a thing. It makes me totally cringe, especially those bloody fake boob lotus plant things that keep appearing on Facebook.
  11. I once dropped a huge round table on my foot whilst setting up for our wedding do (we got married abroad so had a party at home too) a bit of a swollen foot and a bandage later and I was good to go, still danced the night away. 

I Would Like to Nominate:

Rhyming with Wine

A Moment with Franca

Tayla

This Mums Life

CuddleFairy

Mummy’s Beans

Wee Monkey and Me

Geri Cobwebs

Mudpie Fridays

Leo Lionman & Mummy

My 11 Questions

  1. If you could have three people (dead or alive) round for dinner who would they be and why?
  2. What’s your most embarrassing moment?
  3. What do you think makes a good blogger?
  4. What’s your favourite place in the world?
  5. Who’s your celebrity crush?
  6. What’s your favourite film?
  7. Which is your favourite book to read to your child(ren)?
  8. Why do you write a blog?
  9. The Goonies, Gremlins, or Ghostbusters?
  10. Justin Bieber, yay or nay?
  11. What is your proudest moment/achievement?

Well there it is. I hope you enjoyed it and I look forward to reading yours and learning a little bit more about you.

Gem x

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100
Babies, Baby, Children, Christmas, Home, Living with Kids, Mummy, Mummy Blogger, Parenting, Uncategorized

That used to be me…

That used to be me sat wide eyed watching The Snowman in amazement,

That used to be me leaving a carrot for Rudolph, and a mince pie for Santa Claus,

That used to be me excitedly listening to my Dad read The Night Before Christmas

That used to be me peering out of the window for a hopeful glance of the big jolly fellow his sleigh, and reindeer’s

That used to be me waking up at a ridiculous time in the morning to see if he’d been, and running into my parents bedroom to wake them

That used to be me busting through the living room door in excitement discovering ‘he’d been’ and left us lots of gifts

That used to be me in my element playing with all the new found toys and gifts

That used to be me devouring and enjoying every mouthful of my mums beautiful Christmas dinner

That used to be me watching all the Christmas TV cuddled up happily on the sofa with my family

That used to be me, so tired and exhausted at the end of our Christmas adventure filled with magic

That used to be me, but now I’m the parent watching The Snowman with my wide eyed children

Eating the mince pie and drinking the sherry (perks of the job), this is me now

Reading The Night Before Christmas in as hopefully exciting way as my Dad did, this is me now

Trying to be as careful as possible not to be heard or spotted with presents in hand by my little people, this is me now

Been woken up at a ridiculous time in the morning by two very excited and eager little children (just another hour please), this is me now

Busting into the living room just as excitedly as the children so I can see their faces light up at the thought Santa has been and left lots of gifts, this is me now

Tidying up the mountain of ripped wrapping paper and boxes piling up, this is me now

Cooking the Christmas dinner and trying desperately not to burn or set fire to anything, this is me now

Cuddling up on the sofa with my boys and watching the Christmas TV, this is me now

So tired and exhausted at the end of our busy but magical Christmas, this is me now and I wouldn’t change it for the world.Untitled

 

Babies, Hotel, Parenting, Toddlers, Travel, Travelling, TV, Uncategorized

You Can Take the Girl Out of Yorkshire… (Part One)

Two weeks ago I was in the big smoke, or London as most people know it.

The hubby and I had a rare Friday night away. A stark contrast to the usual feet up on the sofa, glass of Aldi’s finest Sparkling Marlborough (don’t knock it, it’s the best trust me) in hand, PJ’s on, and Gogglebox on the TV, kind of night we’re used to.

On the back of my recent mishap (you know the one, involving the spray tan, baby, and 5 o’clock shadow), I was asked if I’d like to be on a show called Virtually Famous. A comedy panel show on e4 discussing videos/clips etc. from the Internet. Having seen it before and finding it very amusing, I was more than happy to accept a bit of inevitable fun being poked out of me. All in the name of comedy of course, and in exchange for a trip down to London. After all we’ve got to take advantage of these rare offers in life when they come.

The producers were incredibly helpful and sent me a very thorough timetable with train times, and pick up times. Pick up times? You mean we don’t have to spend most of the day underground staring at coloured lines on a map trying to figure out where the hell we’re going? Woo hoo!

When we arrived at Kings Cross I was expecting a regular black cab, but instead there was a black Mercedes with blacked out windows, plush leather seating, and a very smart driver waiting to take us to our hotel.Well bugger me, I could get used to this. I was in my element in the back of that car seeing the sights and people of bustling London. Kudos to anyone who drives round London. My goodness, it’s so busy and the small gaps between cars you sometimes have to get through. I’d definitely be in squeaky bum mode all the time, especially driving a car that probably cost near enough £50,000. I thought I’d done well getting round the city loop in Leeds. It would seem not.

After about 40 minutes of people watching in the bustling city, we arrived at the DoubleTree Hilton in Westminster. We thanked the lovely driver, wished him well then ventured to the reception, to be welcomed by a warm cookie. It doesn’t take a lot to win me over, but Hilton, you had me at ‘Hello Madame, here’s a cookie’.   We were issued our room cards and went to our room. The room was lovely, simple, but effective. Not a jumparoo, random toys, potties, nappies, or a baby/toddler in sight. Just a massive bed (undisturbed sleep and a lie in until 9 am, get in), and a chance to have a wee and shower without being stared at. Woo hoo! A bit of time to chill time before showtime.

As we had a couple of hours to kill we decided to go for a bit of a walk and see a few sights, but more importantly to get a bit of grub. The concierge also advised us there was a Co-op up the road if we needed anything. Co-op? In all honesty I was expecting him to say a Waitrose based on the suaveness of the hotel and surrounding area. But hey if they’ve got a decent bottle of plonk and a tub of Pringles, then who gives a damn. Our hotel was literally round the corner from the very impressive Burberry offices. Very Sex and the City (wrong city, granted but the UK version at least).  There were even a few very attractive models hanging around too considering it was London Fashion Week. London was truly living up to our expectations.

We found the Co-op and made a purchase of hair gel (for Rich, he forgot his) although they only had the dodgy sort that teenagers tend to start using when they go for that oh so ‘attractive’ hedgehog look, a mini bottle of wine (a bit of Dutch courage of course), a tub of Pringles (night-time nibbles for later), and a cider for Rich (Dutch courage for him too, he’s got an embarrassing wife to handle and to ensure she doesn’t make a tit of herself).

Next on our mind, food! We had considered ordering room service to take full advantage of getting ready in good time in the comfort of our room, but we stumbled upon a lovely little eatery called Saporis. It was an Italian which primarily sold pasta, sandwiches, salads and carvery. It was incredibly reasonable for London prices too (I’m from Yorkshire, were renowned for being tight, or as I put it, I love a good bargain. There’s no crime in that). I had bolognese. It was beautiful, plenty to eat and so tasty, possibly the best I’ve had before. Rich had the carvery, plenty of meat, veg, gravy, and the holy grail, the Yorkshire pudding. The atmosphere was great, we had a family from New Zealand on one side of us there for the rugby, and on the other a cute elderly Spanish couple. If anything it had Rich and I testing our Spanish vocabulary. As a result we discovered we only really knew how to say ‘hello’, ‘goodbye’, ‘please’, and ‘two beers please’, I think we require some practice.

With our stomachs incredibly satisfied, we headed back to the hotel. A chance to get showered, dressed, make up applied and hair styled all without ‘Mummy, where’s my tractor’?, ‘Mummy, what you doing?’, ‘Mummy, what you putting on your face?’ all whilst having my leg tugged upon, snot being wiped over my clothes, and frantically getting two kids, bathed, dressed, and read to before the babysitter arrives.

Dutch courage swallowed, bodies showered, make up applied (just me of course), and dressed (no bogies attached), we were good to go. Cue the obligatory ‘this is how we looked at the start of the night’ selfie.
I’d also like to explain my husband has a tendency to not do ‘serious/normal’ face very often. God love him. Saying that I have my special moments too. There’s plenty of evidence of this. It’s true, we’re definitely made for each other.

Our posh chauffeured car turned up at reception (getting used to this treatment) ready to take us to the well known and prestigious Elstree Studios. This one had the added bonus of Haribo sweets and bottled water too. Amazing stuff. If I get a taxi at home, the best offerings they have is a pre chewed piece of chewing gum, and a sticky seat, nice! On the way we passed Buckingham Palace, so had to do the touristy thing and take photos, mostly done at speed, but still incredibly impressive nevertheless. Not that the hubby saw much, he can’t seem to get into a moving vehicle without nodding off.    Whilst driving through London, as daft as it might sound I felt like a little kid in a sweet shop. All those beautiful buildings and houses like the ones I’d seen on Mary Poppins as a little girl, and those sites and place names I’d heard of and wanted to visit. Most of my Australian friends know London like the back of their hands even though they live the other side of the world. I felt like a true tourist, and boy did I love it.

To be continued……..

Life Love and Dirty Dishes

 

My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows