Parenting

Nobody’s Perfect

About two weeks ago I made an ‘epic fail’ and boy do I know about it. To cut a long story short I had a spray tan, then about four hours later I breastfed my son (dumb I know, but when you’re on auto-pilot and have a serious case of baby brain, what can I say, shit happens), the result a little man with a five o’clock shadow, and a very guilty mummy. After seeing the funny side, I decided to post a picture of my little man on my personal Facebook page. I received an amazing reaction from friends

Literally choked on my cup of tea! It’s a baby Homer Simpson!

This has made my day I do things like this all the time, what a little sweetheart. Love that you shared this, mummy’s everywhere will be smiling as they can fully relate! Bad mummy? never! A mum trying her best to multitask, always!

Great reaction right? So why not make some other parents feel a little bit better about themselves and make a few people laugh in the process? That said, I decided to post the photo onto The Unmumsy Mum Facebook page.

I first discovered The Unmumsy Mum after reading her An Open Letter To The Mum With The Red Coat blog, amazing, so honest and real. A mum that’s normal. Someone who finally admits it’s not all roses. Even though I wasn’t the mum in the red coat, I could also completely put myself in her shoes, as I’m sure most of us can. The Unmumsy Mum nails it (as she always does) when she says ‘We are all in this together‘. We certainly are, we’re all just trying our very hardest to mold the best human beings we can, although with that great responsibility also comes poobombs, puke, pee fountains, crying babies the moment you go into a deep sleep, and toddlers whining about not having their favorite fire engine toy at 6am (thanks son number 1), and that’s only a small percentage of things a parent has to experience. So she had me at hello, I needed to read more. If you haven’t already discovered her, then you know what to do.

I posted the picture on The Unmumsy Mum’s Facebook page along with the below quote;

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From one mum to another, I’d like to let you know about my epic fail of fails. Yesterday I had a spray tan, a few hours later I breastfed my little boy. Cue 5 o’clock shadow and a very guilty mummy. Lesson to you all. Don’t do this

What happened next? Absolute craziness. By the end of the day the post had received over 100,000 likes. At that point I was sat literally shaking thinking ‘What have I done?’. Suffice to say I didn’t sleep very well that night. I never for a second expected it to get the reaction it did, and only ever thought it might have got at most 100 likes. If I’d have known that in hindsight would I have still posted it? Yes and no. Yes, on the basis I made a lot of people laugh and realise we all mistakes, not to mention all those mums out there who may have been thinking about getting a spray tan (I’ve saved them the trouble of making the same mistake). No, on the basis that I put my baby out there, his face is worldwide. My little man been judged by thousands of people. I also recieved a fair bit of abuse, a small percentage in comparison to the positive comments though. So what abuse did I receive? A number of people telling me I shouldn’t be allowed to be a parent, I was selfish for getting a spray tan and should spend my time with my boys, I’d intentionally poisoned my son with chemicals, I’m the worst mum in the world, I was a f*&%ing whore, and I’d given him cancer. Some nice folks out there. So let me set you straight folks. I have given life to two gorgeous boys, so I’m sorry I am already a parent, twice, my bad! And you know what I don’t think I’m all that bad. Yes I occasionally forget things, lose my shit, give my eldest (two and a half) one too many biscuits, and occasionally let the CBeebies presenters babysit, but I’d hardly say that constitutes as the worst mum in the world. lf the worst thing I can do is give my baby an unintentional 5 o’clock shadow, I don’t think I’ve done too bad. Especially considering there are crack addict mums out there who don’t see an issue with leaving needles in close proximity to their children. Puts it into perspective doesn’t it? For the ones who said I was selfish for having a spray tan, well god forbid a mum should take a bit of time out for herself. I forgot I should have them both attached by umbilical cord until they reach their 18th birthdays. I love spending time with my boys, but occasionally I need a break, not a crime. One of the recent ‘breaks’ I took was when I jet washed the patio whilst my husband entertained the kids in the garden. Ah pure bliss. Let’s face it when the kids aren’t attached, it’s an opportunity to deal with the pile of dust building on the TV, clean the layers of porridge off the baby’s high chair, and get any general jobs done whilst you have two arms free. So yes, I’m sorry I took twenty minutes out to get a spray tan so I wouldn’t look like a washed out banana in the bright yellow dress I’d bought for a wedding. In regards to the trolls/keyboard warriors. All I can say to you is ‘get a frigging life!’, if the only thing you get kicks from is writing abusive messages to people you know nothing about, then wow I really think you need to take a long hard look in the mirror. I’m really sorry I didn’t react to your messages because you are not worth my time, thought or effort. If this experience has made me realise one thing, it’s that I’m not as soft as I thought I was. Water off a ducks back.

On a more positive note I want to say thank you to all the lovely people out there who sent me messages, made comments, and also shared their ‘epic fail’ stories, and experiences. Other people not afraid to admit we are not perfect. I am so glad I made you laugh, and brightened your day. That was all I ever set out to do, just on a much smaller scale. Never did I think I’d see a day where my face appeared in the Daily Mail, NBC news, or on the brillant lad bible. It was certainly an experience, but now it’s today’s fish and chip shop wrapping and I’m good with that. But I will promise you this, the paper clippings will be coming out for his 21st birthday.

Gem x

Nobody is superior, nobody is inferior, but nobody is equal either. People are simply unique, incomparable, you are you, I am I – Osho

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69 thoughts on “Nobody’s Perfect”

      1. Great story. I am a mother of 2 boys. One is 3 and 1/2 the other is 8 weeks old. When I read the story I busted out laughing. I just got a spray tan for my sisters upcoming wedding and I was in the middle of breast feeding my son. So a trick I used was turning sticky nursing pads inside out and sticking them to my nipples so they were tan free.

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  1. Excellent blog! Ignore the keyboard warriors, they are probably not mothers or then snooty ones you see this think their s*#t don’t stink! It made my day and to be honest I wouldn’t of even thought about it and would of probably done the same x

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      1. The only people mothers should be judged by are their children. Im only 4 months into this parenting lark and have already made many a f¤ck up… but when our son first sees me on a morning and he flashes a big beaming smile I know im doing alright. Your post made me laugh…hard! Thanks for being brave enough to share. Im sure your son will be laughing hard too on his 21st! Xx

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  2. Such a refreshing read. Am I a Mum to 3 boys and regularly ‘lose my shit’ among many other things. When I saw the picture of your perfect little boy, there was a small amount of relief, as well as a giggle, that other mums screw up a little bit too sometimes! Mum’s guilt follows us for a lifetime, we will never get it absolutely spot on, but, in the mean time, if we can laugh about it, then high fives to us. As for the idiots and their ridiculous comments….I’m about to make myself a cuppa (could be worse, could be a cold glass of Pinot – it is 5pm somewhere in the world, right?), feed biscuits to the toddler and stick CBeebies on to do my job for a bit. If they were to do the same, then they may just feel a little less uptight about life. Cheers to us Mum’s everywhere I say! Xx

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      1. Exactly that….the things we do. A few minutes here and there to grab a fake tan or quite simply shut ourselves away in a dark room to keep our sanity is more than acceptable. My youngest is currently throwing his tea around the kitchen whilst shouting his head off and rubbing banana into his hair (probably because I’m on here to be honest, lol). I’m also not ashamed to admit I’ve been counting the hours down today until my other half gets home to take over. We’re allowed to feel like that every now and again…..we wouldn’t be human otherwise. I obviously don’t want to upset the ‘super humans’ though who parent their children beautifully and never make mistakes 😉👼

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  3. As a new, first time mum here thank you for posting the picture and for starting your blog! You have reminded me in the midst of 2am feelings that it’s ok to mess up, and it’s important to take time for myself. Ignore the idiots who can’t see the funny side! X x x

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  4. Brilliant! I found your first post so funny and something I related to – I probably have a few similar stories! One being kissing my son with “lip stain” on that I thought was dry – but instead left him with a “kiss” on his head that did come off for about a week ☺ As for the “haters” it amazes me how vile they can be. Well done for getting to the other side of it xx

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  5. Isn’t the internet crazy? Your little boy is gorgeous and i love how honest the parenting blogging world is! Makes everyone feel normal as we are far from perfect. Great post! Ignore the warriors. The blogging community is a strong, supportive one, as I’m finding out. xx

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  6. I did exactly the same when I was breastfeeding…I had a 3 month old baby but a wedding to go to I wanted to try and look nice with a bit of colour to deflect from my post-pregnancy bod… I did wipe my boob with a babywipe before feeding her…but then proceeded to leak all over the tan leaving beautiful streaks down the war paint! Niiiiiice. Great blog and us normal mums are behind you 100%!

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  7. I thought it was it extremely funny and so did both of my teenage girls! The oldest one tagged me in her Facebook comment saying “mum this will be my child!” I’m doing it all over again after 12 years and have a 9 month old son and forgot how manic days could be with a little one. All I can see is a happily feed little boy sleeping soundly! Good on you! And thank you for sharing your story making us ‘normal’ mums realise we are not the only ones who make mistakes sometimes xx

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    1. Brilliant, I’m glad you liked it. Much respect for going through it all again. Should be a doddle now then? Just kidding, it’s never a doddle, but bloody good fun with the occasional crap day thrown in. Thank you fellow normal mum 🙂 x

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  8. Your picture alerted me to the fact that when you have a spray tan you get a spare tan EVERYWHERE!! *spray tab virgin* exactly the sort of thing I’d have done. Hey a baby has to eat and there’s such a thing called baby brain.

    He’s a cutie and there’s about the same between our boys – it’s *interesting*

    Good luck with the blog I’ll be following 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

  9. We all make mistakes! I remember the time we had our central heating system sorted out, and as you can imagine there was a number of tools lying around. Anyway, I walked in to my son’s playroom to see him sat on the sofa, watching CBeebies, sucking his thumb, and holding a hacksaw!

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  10. I have never heard anything more ridiculous than taking 30 minutes to yourself to do a spray tan making you a bad mother. How can children ever learn to be alone if they are constantly entertained and emotionally supported by their mother. Not to mention the fact that you too are a human in your own right. A daughter, a friend, likely a wife/girlfriend, maybe a sister. Certainly not just a mother. You have to have time to be the other things you are.
    My husband and I travel a lot with work and a leave our 2 1/2 year old daughter alone with her nanny often. These people commenting on your post must think I should have the kids taken away and be put in jail, stat.

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  11. I have never heard anything more ridiculous than taking 30 minutes to yourself to do a spray tan making you a bad mother. How can children ever learn to be alone if they are constantly entertained and emotionally supported by their mother. Not to mention the fact that you too are a human in your own right. A daughter, a friend, likely a wife/girlfriend, maybe a sister. Certainly not just a mother. You have to have time to be the other things you are.
    My husband and I travel a lot with work and a leave our 2 1/2 year old daughter alone with her nanny often. These people commenting on your post must think I should have the kids taken away and be put in jail, stat.

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  12. Some people are just fools and I would bet any money that the people that show all the hate are negative morrow minded morons who don’t have kids ,when I saw this on Facebook a few weeks back me and the wife had a quick laugh and thought that’s funny the joys of parent hood .So I don’t know If you have had any replies from guys but this is just funny nothing else just funny ,have a great life !!!!!

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  13. Don’t pay any attention to them. There isn’t a single person in the world who hasn’t made mistakes, but there are lots of people who get a kick out of shouting abuse from the safety of internet anonymity.
    You go girl. Live your life.

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  14. People should keep their nasty, judgmental, insulting comments to themselves. EVERY parent makes mistake. What makes someone a bad parent, is intentionally harming one’s child. Every good parent is a person as well. As a person, you are entitled to free time, you are entitled to your own life, and in fact, having a full life outside of one’s children, makes for a more relaxed, centered person, who CAN BE a better parent. You made a great decision to nurse your child. You made a mistake nursing him after a spray tan. Humerous lesson learned.

    Someone who loves you and loves your kid, might give you constructive criticism by saying, well spray tanning isn’t the healthiest choice, and you might want to refrain until no longer nursing to avoid the same mistake in the future. Constructuve criticism is something shared among friends to help each other grow. It is not nasty, or hurtful, or disrespectfully stated.

    All those internet trolls out there were not giving constructive criticism. They were horrible people, who get their kicks by making others feel bad. Don’t let them win. You care about your baby, and you shared a vulnerable moment. Every good mother has those head slapper moments, but most aren’t brave enough like you were, to share them. I think I am a pretty decent mother, but I have had ridiculous moments as well. My daughter (when she was around 2) used to say “help help” in the car while waiting for me to unbuckle her car seat. I used to laugh and laugh. That is, until the day she decided to shout “help help” while buckled in the shopping cart at ShopRite one day because she wanted me to undo the buckle.

    Pretty funny pic, he is really cute. Ignore the haters.

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  15. *big sigh
    People these days…

    You rock, don’t worry, don’t listen, I thought it was funny, screw the haters, people are to uptight, we all have fails, that’s nothin, your a good mom, it REALLY was funny, keep shinning, life’s to serious, how dare they, like seriously people, your gorgeous, keep it coming, what’s wrong with people these days, oh EVERYTHING causes cancer, maturing fast for the 5’oclock ;), why they so uptight, moms got to do what a moms got to do, for real, hates gonna hate, that’s which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, live your work!
    Xx

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  16. You’re so ‘normal’ lol. With 4 kids and 2 stepkids I have A4 sheets of the muck ups I’ve made. The kids are all growing up now….. I even have 3 grandchildren and another on the way (a new generation for me to make mistakes on). They’re all happy and healthy despite me not being a perfect parent. I tell them my stories now and they actually laugh about them.

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  17. Such honesty. It’s refreshing to hear someone sharing their less than perfect parenting experiences. May your next mishap be as amusing as this one. Stupidest thing I ever did was let my 5 year old daughter run around in the 2 metre deep trench the builders dug for our house extension footings. Part of it caved in the next day. What an idiot!! 🙂

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    1. Rich, that I think is referred to as a whoopsie 🙂 I’m sure you didn’t let on to the builders about this though. ‘I don’t know what happened it just kind of caved in by itself’ haha! Brilliant. Keep up the good work

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  18. Made my day thank you for making a tired mummy of two chuckle 🙂 you seem like a fabulous mummy and your son will have many laughs please write more blogs 😍😍😍 xxx

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  19. Here is my tip – I buy the really large bandaids and put them over my nipples before I would spray tan. I had a giant white square on my breast, but my nipple was squeaky clean for my little munkins. Don’t forgo the spray tans! It makes you feel good and us new moms need that 🙂

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  20. You are one cool mom! And too nice to even try to explain to those who may never get it or admit that they do!!! Thanks for sharing and yes we are all in this together:)

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  21. Good on you for sharing this, people make mistakes. No harm was done and like you say if that’s the worst thing you do as a mother it’s all good! I think he looks pretty content in the pic so he obviously wasn’t phased by it. I wonder how many of the keyboard warriors criticizing you for “chemicals” ensure their babies are eating 100% natural, organic produce 100% of the time! #BloggerClubUK
    Debbie

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    1. Thanks Debbie, it was incredibly daft of me but he wasn’t harmed, it was just my way of letting other mums know we all make mistakes. Plus he’s fine and has made it to 1 to tell the tale ☺️ gem x

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  22. Congrats on getting so many likes! People appreciate the real life stories & motherhood fails because we all have them! A wise person recently said that the internet trolls come out when ur famous so take it that you have made it! Don’t listen to any of their negativity, they seek out something popular to dump on in order to get attention for themselves. Thanks so much for linking up with #BloggerClubUK x

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    1. Thank you Becky. I’m far from famous ☺️ and I’m pretty happy to keep it that way. I wouldn’t want the hassle. A yacht for occasional trips to Greece, Croatia, and the med would be the exception though 😉 I can keep dreaming. Yes trolls are not worthy of our time. Thanks. Gem x

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